Indeed jobs atlanta


2021.03.06 09:01 Typhale99 IndeedJobs

This is the Unofficial Community of the App Indeed, where we can discuss about how effective it is while Job searching, and sharing or asking for other People Experiences. And even: - Discussing about Job Scams - Companies with too High Expectation on a Position - Sharing funny low paid positions - Or Helping each other by finding the right job in the Area

2011.03.05 05:38 7oby Atlanta Metro Area Careers/Jobs

Jobs! In Atlanta! Hopefully posted by redditors and not recruiters who don't really care about you and just want more applications to look like they're doing a good job.

2008.06.11 20:53 r/Atlanta - Official Subreddit for the City of Atlanta

Official Subreddit for all things in and about Atlanta, Georgia, USA and the surrounding metropolitan area.

2023.03.26 00:48 Catvac-u-um_adnase In some major US cities, the number of job postings for remote-friendly roles is hitting record levels — and trending up. Places like New York, Chicago and Atlanta, more postings are open to remote workers than at any time in the past three years.

In some major US cities, the number of job postings for remote-friendly roles is hitting record levels — and trending up. Places like New York, Chicago and Atlanta, more postings are open to remote workers than at any time in the past three years. submitted by Catvac-u-um_adnase to newtimes [link] [comments]

2023.03.26 00:07 Modern-Day_Spartan Beside indeed, what are the other platforms i can use for job hunting?

submitted by Modern-Day_Spartan to recruitinghell [link] [comments]

2023.03.26 00:07 engineer_e95 Debt situation I’m in. Advice?

BSME. Experienced in HVAC, mechanic, electrical, solidworks, autocad, business ownership
70k a year income currently as a travel engineer
I work 8:30-5:30pm M-F while in town I have to report to the office - Travel 80% for work - In town for 1-2 weeks per month so would need something flexible
Things I considered:
Main debt: Credit card debt consolidation loan: I got denied for $17000 loan I applied for today. - My credit score is good 733 , but they said my debt to income ratio was too high.
I hate having to pay back the credit card on such a high interest. And already I’m paying $4000 a month on bills and rent and student loan. So I only have about $1000 in my name after bills paid per month.
Its either get a debt consolidation loan (anyone willing to co sign?) OR get a second job? and have no life for a year
or search for a engineering position that pays a little more. I feel like I can land 90k job.
Any advice? If I didnt have these credit cards my life would be so much easier right now. I had to use them as emergency due to a life event earlier. Hence why its so high of a balance.
submitted by engineer_e95 to personalfinance [link] [comments]

2023.03.26 00:04 Lillian_Madwhip Lily Madwhip Must Die: Chapter 14 - 1600 Fahrenheit

On a scale of one to ten, one being touching a hot car on a sunny day and ten being falling into the sun, I’d put having something burst into flames in my hand at probably a four. I think four is reasonable. I mean, we’re not talking about blistering heat that roasts your meat black. We’re talking about a little, blue, cat doll just catching fire and enveloping your hand up to the wrist in white-hot angel fire.
I think anyone’s first instinct when something they’re holding bursts into flames is to drop or throw the item. Since I am anyone, I naturally throw the doll with a squeal that turns heads. It hits the side of the closest tent and tumbles down it, paw over whisker. It leaves a trail of little fires behind it. These don’t just sizzle and go out, they get bigger.
Did I mention the smoke? There’s black smoke billowing out of the doll like it’s one of those funny fireworks that does nothing but make smoke. It doesn’t move like smoke though. Smoke just goes up where I guess it gets sucked out into space or something. This smoke swirls around in a ropey fashion like a snake.
“Meredith?” I say to the smoke snake, “Is that you?”
The smoke snake does not respond. Instead, one of the teenagers shouts, “FIRE!” and throws a cup of soda at the side of the tent that’s burning incredibly quickly. They all scatter. Soda is apparently not an effective fire extinguisher. The flames just sizzle and then swallow more of the tent.
I decide not to stick around. “If you’re Meredith, follow me,” I tell the smoke snake, and then turn to run for the busy section of the carnival.
I don’t make it more than two steps before one of the bigger teenagers grabs me by the shoulder. He’s a lanky boy with black hair and one of those “I wanna look grown-up” half mustaches that you almost wonder if you can just rip it right off his face. He’s wearing a Led Zeppelin shirt. I bet Roger and this kid would have been best buds or bitter rivals if Roger hadn’t gotten turned into mashed potatoes.
“Hey! This girl started a fire!” he yells to nobody in particular.
A girl with really short cut bleached blonde hair and one of those nose stud things runs over and gets right in my face. “Let her go, Johnny!” she snaps at the boy holding me. I’m surprised because I thought from her expression that she was going to headbutt me in the face and knock me out or something. “She’s pretty badass in my book.” She looks me in the eyes with something I’m not familiar with. Is that... respect?
Johnny lets go of me.
“That thing’s gonna burn the whole carnival down!” the girl yells. She sounds pleased. She’s even got a big grin on her face as she watches the fire on the tent rise upward.
“Well I’m not sticking around to watch, babe!” says Johnny, and he takes off between two trailers across the way.
There’s already shouts rising over the sound of the crackling fire. I hear someone yell the word “fire!” and the sentence, “grab an extinguisher!” Just over the tent, where the main thoroughfare probably is, some woman screams, and a kid starts crying. Oh God, I’ve gone and killed everybody, haven’t I? The entire carnival is going to burn to the ground and everybody’s probably panicking and stampeding for the exits. Then the screaming lady lets out a big burst of laughter and I realize nobody on the other side of the tent is even aware of what’s going on over here yet.
“Come on!” the blonde girl pulls on my sleeve. I stumble over my own feet and fall to the ground. She doesn’t stick around to help me up. Instead she takes off after her friend Johnny, doing some sort of twirly dance in the process as she runs away into the dark.
I start to get up from the dirt when I notice dark liquid running out from under me. It’s blood. It’s all over my shirt. I’m a sopping wet, red mess. Also, the cow pitcher is shattered. I must have fallen right on it and it broke and I got Nate’s blood all over myself! How am I ever going to explain this to that angry man I borrowed it from?
“What’s going on?” asks Paschar, “I’m getting only bits and pieces. There’s a fire? Smoke? Snakes? Blood? Are you injured?”
Actually, now that he’s asked, there is a big piece of the cow pitcher sticking through my bloody shirt down in my tummy area. I pull on the end of it. There’s a nasty, burning sensation so I stop pulling. I’ve gone and stabbed myself with a cow pitcher! Is any of this blood mine?
“I’ve spilled Nate’s blood all over myself!”
“Don’t rub it in your eyes!”
I wasn’t gonna rub it in my eyes. It’s not like I’m tired or anything. My cousin Susie used to rub her eyes a lot but that was because she had really bad allergies. Her eyes were always bloodshot. Susie’s worst allergy was boat propellers though. She was deathly allergic to those. After her accident, my Uncle George developed really bad allergies too. I could tell because his eyes were always bloodshot.
Someone nearby yells, “Over here!” and a pair of men run up with big, red fire extinguishers. They start spraying the white foamy stuff at the side of the tent. At first, it doesn’t look like the foam is going to stop the flames, but after a minute of spraying and one of the extinguishers running out of juice, the fire hisses and goes out.
The man holding the used-up fire extinguisher looks at the big, black, scorched portion of tent, then down at the crispy, little cat doll on the ground. Then he turns and looks at the claw machine. The machine blinks its lights like it’s saying hello to him. The man finally looks over at me, laying in a small pool of warm blood. It’s the man with orange hair who passed by earlier that I hid from.
“Look what we got here,” he says with a funny accent. I think it’s Irish, but it might be Scottish. I’m not an expert on accents. Everything I know about accents I learned from this movie I watched with my dad about a Scottish guy who was immortal and he killed other immortal people by chopping their heads off with a giant sword. Well, that and Mary Poppins.
The other man sets down his fire extinguisher and turns around. He’s a beefy guy wearing a huge coat with lots of pockets and a floppy-looking cowboy hat. “Who’s that, Gin?” he asks in a non-accent voice.
“Get up, girly!” The man named Gin reaches down and grabs me by my collar. He pulls me halfway up to standing on my own two feet. In the process, the piece of cow pitcher that has punctured me in the tummy area shifts and causes more of that intense burning feeling I got when I tried to pull it out.
“OWWWW!” I yell, hoping he gets the hint and lets go of me.
He doesn’t.
Then I notice that the snaky trail of black smoke is circling his head like a creepy halo. I don’t think he or the other man can see it because if either of them could, they’d surely be freaking out and trying to wave it away.
“This,” Gin says with one of those half-smile smirks that shows the canine tooth on the left side of his mouth, “is who Clay was looking for.”
The black smoke snake hunches back like it's about to strike at the back of Gin’s head. Then it lunges forward and splashes like a wave against him, going in all directions. A moment later, it recollects itself into a cloudy-form and swirls angrily around him like a swarm of bees dealing with Winnie-the-Pooh.
Gin pulls me the rest of the way to my feet. This is good because I aim to kick him in his testicles and I couldn’t do that lying down. As soon as I’ve got my footing, I pull back, swinging my foot out behind me--
--at which point he brings his big, adult fist into the equation by punching me hard in the guts. The pain is so intense I feel like I’m going to puke. Even worse, there’s a really sharp stinging sensation and then a wet kind of warmth. No, I didn’t pee myself. Gin himself winces in pain as he pulls his fist back to reveal the piece of broken cow pitcher stabbed right up between his knuckles. He lets go of me so he can pull it out and I take the opportunity to drop to my knees and double over, clutching where he hit me.
“Word of advice to you, lass,” says Gin as he flicks the pitcher piece away, “don’t broadcast your intention to kick a man in the quongs if you don’t want to get punched in the ovaries.”
I’m too busy rubbing my face in the wet grass to respond but I’m thinking about how annoying this thing with saying what I’m thinking is and I wish I could stop doing it because it really makes fighting bad guys difficult. I wonder if I just said that thought, but judging from Gin putting his boot on the back of my head, I’m guessing not. Bleh, the grass is warm and tastes like ozone. I realize I’m getting Nate’s blood on me. Paschar said to not get it in my eyes!
“What is she, like ten years old?” I hear the other man say, “What about this brat’s got Clay so spooked? You could knock her over with a wet fart.” Thanks for that visual, Sir.
Gin lifts his boot off my head. I take the opportunity to get my face out of the bloody grass and wipe it off my mouth. I can’t tell how much is on my face.
“She killed his kid or sometin’,” he remarks casually, “burned him alive.” He pauses. I look up. He’s looking at the scorched tent. “Seems like she’s got a penchant for fire. Maybe we ought to give her a feel of what it’s like to get burned before we bring her to Clay. What do you say?”
I cough up some dirt I didn’t realize was in the back of my throat. “I didn’t kill Joey.”
Gin wanders a few steps away and the other man comes over and puts a hand under my armpit. He helps me up in a far gentler manner than Gin did. I don’t think about kicking him in the testicles and I don’t plan to. The two men share a brief look and I worry for a second that I just said all that.
“She’s got blood all over her,” the big other guy says, letting go of me and wiping his hands off on his dark jacket.
“I don’t give a rat’s ass if she’s got shit and puke on ‘er,” Gin lights up a cigarette and takes a long drag on it. He looks at me like a kid with a magnifying glass looks at an ant. He blows out a small cloud of stinky smoke. I wonder if he can make smoke rings. “Give me her arm.”
Nothing good ever started with someone saying, “give me her arm.” I instinctively start to pull away, but the big guy puts his hand under my armpit again and moves me away from Gin, twirling me around so he’s between the two of us like a big wall.
“I’ve had enough of this. I’m not letting you put a cigarette out on a little girl. What the Hell is wrong with you, man?”
I put my free arm around his waist and give him as much of a hug as I can. Thank you, Mister, whoever you are.
Gin casually gestures toward the blackened tent flap and scorched patch of ground where the remains of my precious Freddy Lapel doll sizzles with otherworldly heat. “Look what she did, Dutch. She tried to burn down the whole carnival. Could have hurt somebody! Could have killed somebody--” He looks directly at me. “--again.”
Dutch’s thumb digs into my armpit but not so hard that it hurts. He smells like he had bacon recently. And he works on machinery or something, because there’s a distinct scent of motor oil on his clothes. I wonder if he knows Mr. Grizz.
“But thankfully nobody did get hurt. And I don’t know the full story between her and Clay, if there even is one. All I know is a grown-ass, Irish prick is telling me to let him put a lit cigarette on a ten-year old girl covered in blood and I ain’t about to be the guy that lets that happen.”
“I’m twelve actually,” I tell Dutch. He doesn’t hear or just ignores me.
The orange-haired creep named Gin takes another drag on his cigarette. I watch the end of it burn away between his fingers. Then he casually lifts one leg and puts it out on the underside of his boot. He flicks the butt away and then crosses his arms and stares at me hiding behind Dutch. If there was a clock, we could hear it ticking away, but there’s no clock. Instead, there’s just the hoots and hollers of people having a grand old time at the carnival.
After what seems like five minutes of just hard, quiet staring at each other like one of those Mexican standoffs in a Clint Eastwood Western movie --my dad used to love to watch Clint Eastwood movies. His favorite was called High Plains Drifter. I just watched for the horses-- oh right, like I was saying... after five minutes of that staring, Gin shrugs like he didn’t just step on the head of a little girl and then try to put a cigarette out on her.
“I’m fetching Clay.” He lingers for a moment, glaring at both of us, and then storms off in a hurried manner, really working his arms into it.
Dutch’s grip on my pit loosens. I stop hugging him and move away a step. He looks down at me. I can’t figure out what thoughts are going through his head. His expression seems like a jumble of worry and upset and even a little fear. He’s gotten all sweaty. He wipes it away with his sleeve and takes a rough breath.
“Thank you, Mr. Dutch,” I tell him.
He nods silently.
I check my pokey stab wound from the cow pitcher. It’s not leaking profusely but there’s blood and mud caked on my shirt and it’s sticking to me. I hope I don’t get a mud infection. I wish I better understood where germs come from. There’s blood all over my hands but I don’t know if it’s mine or Nate’s.
“I’m taking you to the front entrance and we’re calling the police,” Dutch tells me.
I almost forgot about the cloud of smoke. It is lazily drifting over Dutch’s head now, like a little, black raincloud. It moves unnaturally, not drifting away or dispersing in any way. Just a little, black raincloud over the man’s floppy hat.
We walk away from the burned tent and the claw machine in the opposite direction from the one that Gin went. A noise behind us makes me look back. A blonde woman with an apron covered with pockets from which prize tickets hang out all over comes out of a nearby booth alley and sees the mess I caused. She immediately zeroes in on Dutch and I walking away together.
“Oi! Dutch!” she calls out, “what the Hell happened here?”
“I’m dealing with it, Susie,” he tells her. He puts his hand on my arm as if to show that he’s got the perpetrator and is handling the situation.
I look up at him. “My cousin’s name is Susie.” I don’t know why I feel the need to mention that. My brain is kind of doing a reset at the moment as I try to figure out what I need to do and if that cloud is indeed Meredith’s soul like I think it is.
Mr. Dutch glances down at me and starts leading me away again. “Is that so?”
“My uncle ran her over with a motorboat.”
He frowns and looks away. “Oh.”
I realize I could have worded that better. “By accident.”
Paschar chimes in. “That’s probably not the best topic to be bringing up right now, Lily.”
Mr. Dutch seems to agree with Paschar. “Let’s just get you to the ticket booths, alright? Quiet like.”
Ahead of us, the back alleyway of tent flaps and old, unused arcade machines opens up to the main thoroughfare. I knew it was right there! I can see normal people, mostly adults because it’s so freaking late and kids have got school tomorrow but the carnival is in town so some parents brought their kids because some things are more important than school. Like fishing for little ducks with magnets on the end of a fishing line so you can get a ten cent knick-knack for the price of a couple quarters. Or shooting water in a hippo’s mouth and watching a balloon fill up from out its butt and whoever pops the hippo’s butt balloon wins a prize which is usually just a bunch of tickets like the ones that lady had falling out of her apron pockets.
The little, black cloud follows us, keeping just above Dutch’s head. I wonder if it intends to drop on him like an anvil in a Wile E Coyote cartoon.
Right before we reach the thoroughfare full of laughing, smiling people, I hear something. Fast approaching footsteps. They’re not speed walking; this is more like a jumbling hustle of several feet moving swiftly but trying to be quiet. Oh crap, it’s Gin and Clay. They’re going to burn me with cigarettes or rub deodorant on my wounds and stab me and light me on fire and--
There’s a hard WHOOMP sound right next to me followed immediately by a loud grunt like “UGH” but I can’t do it justice with words. It’s like the sound someone would make if they bang their elbow on the edge of a metal desk right where their funny bone is. Like right between the elbow joint bones, you know? Why does that hurt so bad? I think the person who named it the “funny bone” never hit the corner of a metal desk there. It’s the least funny bone in your body. Or second at least to the coccyx. That’s the little tail end of your spine. Yeah, we got tails. Humans got tails. They’re hidden though, tucked away in the butt area.
Dutch lets go of my arm. I turn to look at him. There’s a foot with a sneaker on it sticking out from between his legs. Just as quickly as I see it, it disappears. Mr. Dutch is the one making the pain sound. He reaches down and clutches his crotch, and his knees give out and he falls forward. Someone kicked this poor man in the testicles!
The foot belongs to the girl with the short, bleached blonde hair. She stands over the large, crumpled form of Dutch and looks at me with a triumphant grin.
Bleep the authority!” she shouts and pumps her fist in the air. She’s wearing like a dozen rings on the one hand. How can she fit so many rings on such stubby fingers? “Let’s go!” she yells in my face even though I’m right there next to her.
Her friend Johnny is with her. He’s looking around anxiously. “Yeah, let’s get out of here already!”
I’m flabbergasted. “But Mr. Dutch was a good guy!” I try to tell the two of them.
They’re completely enthralled by their own sense of pride in a job well done, saving the little, bloody girl from the big man at the traveling carnival. Mr. Dutch is groaning in severe, testicle-kicked pain. I reach down to try to help him, and the blonde girl grabs my wrist.
“What are you doing?” she asks me through a smile that says she doesn’t even really care what my answer is, “we’re rescuing you! Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, let’s hoof it!”
I feel like that’s one too many horse-themed expressions in a single statement, but I don’t say anything. And not just that, there’s like twelve too many people getting involved in my problems lately. I’m not a complete idiot, I know well what happens to people around me. My whole family is dead. My best friend is... probably a little, black cloud that’s doing some sort of weird interpretive dance over the crumpled form of poor Dutch with the swollen balls. People get hurt around me. Hell, poor Dutch can attest to that at the moment. People die around me. People get torn apart by skinless dogs that form out of fungus that used to be old ladies and I can’t believe that’s even an actual thing I saw. I saw that. That happened.
I take the girl’s hand and remove it from my arm. “Look, I don’t know you or Johnny and you both seem really nice, but you need to get out of here before you get hurt. I’ll be okay. Mr. Dutch was taking me to get help. The bad people are coming, and they like to smoke. They’ve got an angel of death tied up somewhere. And there’s someone much, much worse who could show up any time.”
I think I lost them both somewhere around the part about that creep Gin being a smoker. The boy Johnny does another anxious look around the area, then he grabs the girl’s arm. “Nance, let’s just go. I didn’t come here to get murdered by some whacked-out carney cult.”
The girl Nance drops her arm and shakes her head at me. She starts to open her mouth to say something, then crumples it up into a little mouth and turns and trots away after Johnny. I watch them go. I don’t know who they were, but I hope they get far, far away. The curse of getting involved in my life has a long reach and is unforgiving.
After they leave, I kneel down and pat Mr. Dutch on the back. “All you alright, Mr. Dutch?” I ask him. He mutters something I can’t understand because he’s got his face shoved into the ground.
“You’re not cursed, Lily,” Paschar comments.
“Then why do bad things always happen to people around me?”
“Because your gift is chaotic,” I hear me say. Except I didn’t say it. Not me me anyway.
Paschar whispers, “Oh no.”
I feel the presence of another person standing right behind me. Unlike Nance and Johnny, this person didn’t make a sound. It was as if they rose up out of the ground or descended from the sky as silent as a feather touching a pillow. My whole body tenses up. That sounds impossible but it totally is possible and it’s incredibly uncomfortable. Don’t question it.
I turn around slowly. First at the neck, then the shoulder, finally at the waist. Why am I dragging this out? Because I don’t want to look behind me at the person because I know exactly who it is and I really don’t feel like peeing my pants right now. Or ever. But especially now.
For a second I think I’m just looking in a mirror because I see my own face. Except my actual face probably has more blood on it currently. But less blood everywhere else.
Samael smiles at me. “You got here ahead of me.” He looks at my clothes and then tilts his head and examines my face. “And from the looks of it, you’ve had one Hell of a time. Who did this to you? Was it him?” He points at Mr. Dutch who has finally rolled over onto his back and is staring up at the starry night sky with teary eyes and a really red face.
“This isn’t my blood,” I tell him.
He grins. “But this is,” he gestures at himself. Don’t pee, Lily. Don’t pee.
Paschar raises his voice. “Sam, please, you’ve got to come back! You’re unwell.”
“Really?? Did you really think that’s going to work?” That’s me talking. Actual me. Not Samael. “You can’t appeal to crazy! I mean, come on. You’ve got to have something to back your words up with. When in the history of ever has someone been on the verge of destroying a small carnival and someone else said, ‘don’t do it!’ and they were like, ‘oh, okay.’? Never!”
“She’s right.” Samael says, nodding and raising an eyebrow. Hey, I can’t do that. I try to raise one eyebrow, but I just end up raising both. So I stop and try again. But then I stop completely before it looks like I’m wiggling my eyebrows at him. He stares at me blankly for a moment after, then blinks a couple times and shakes his head.
Mr. Dutch rolls over and gets up onto his hands and knees. He lets out a big breath, then sits up and tilts his head back to look at Samael and me together. There’s a moment where he seems to accept what he’s seeing, but then he clenches his eyes shut, reopens them, cranes his neck forward and looks back and forth between us.
“Don’t hurt him,” says Paschar.
Samael smirks. It’s starting to feel surreal to see myself making faces when I can feel that I’m not. Also, everything’s slightly off because I’m looking at my actual face and not a mirror reflection of it. “I’m not here for Mr. Dutch,” says Samael, “I’m here for the rune-maker, remember? I’m here for Felix Clay.”
“Lillian Alexandra Madwhip!” someone shouts from the direction Mr. Dutch and I just walked away from.
As if he was just waiting in the shadows --which he probably was because it’s such a Felix thing to do-- Felix freaking Clay steps from seemingly out of nowhere and stands about ten yards down the alleyway from us behind Samael. Beside him is his orange-haired friend Gin, smoking another cigarette from the looks of the little glow I can see in his hand. I should have smelled him coming.
They’re a little ways off, but I can see them both pretty clearly, and Felix isn’t smiling. It occurs to me that he always smiled before, even when he was doing things that shouldn’t have made him happy. It’s like his smile is a mask he hides behind. But not now. Now he looks angry. And annoyed. And --why is he holding that hammer? He’s not even holding it right; he’s got the claw side down. He can’t hammer a nail that way unless his arms work backward.
“You came for me and here I am!” Felix yells at us, “But I told you not to come back. So now--” He and his Irish buddy Mr. Gin start marching toward us with very purposeful strides, and I can’t understand what he’s saying after the “so now” part. Mr. Gin pulls something I can’t see out of his coat and holds it close at his side. No doubt it’s a weapon, I just don’t know if it’s a stabby weapon or a shooty weapon or what.
Samael doesn’t look at them. He’s focused on me. He’s smiling. His hands are clenched at his sides, and I remember well that there’s a rune on one that lets him punch through people like they’re made of Play-doh.
As for me, I’m torn. Do I warn Felix that Samael can karate chop him into bits like some sort of bad horror movie? Or do I watch this play out? Maybe I should take this opportunity to just run. I mean, I can’t win against any of these people. Who am I? I’m a Knife That Cuts the Veil that’s dulled by the runes all over the carnival grounds.
While I stand there lost in that thought, Samael reaches forward and pokes me in the forehead. He starts moving his finger around. I just stand there and stare at him, waiting for him to jab a hole right through my head. Don’t pee, Lily. Don’t pee. What the heck is he doing?
“There,” he whispers to me, finishing whatever it is, “that should keep you safe. Just don’t smear it or your head might explode.”
As soon as he lifts his finger away, I can feel it. That tension I had that I mentioned early was all through my body, it just vanishes. I almost go completely slack in fact, but manage to hold myself up. Then comes a wave of warmth starting at the spot on my forehead that he last touched and encompassing my entire head, traveling down my neck, across my chest, down both arms at the same time, through my midsection and then hips, legs, ending at the tips of my toes. The pain in my abdomen that I had actually forgotten about also vanishes. I reach into the hole in my shirt to feel the wound. It’s still there and I feel my fingertip actually go inside the stabby hole for a second before I realize I’m still hurt; I just can’t feel it anymore.
“Who’s your little friend?”
Felix and Gin have finally reached us. Gin looks smugly at me, still holding his hand by his side. Samael turns to face them finally and Gin’s smug look is replaced with one of confusion. Felix stops mid-stride and even takes a step back. He also has a confused expression on his face. I don’t need to see Samael’s face to know he’s got the biggest grin on it right now.
submitted by Lillian_Madwhip to Lillian_Madwhip [link] [comments]

2023.03.26 00:02 illogictc Well well, new Channellock screwdrivers are out at TSC.

Well well, new Channellock screwdrivers are out at TSC.
The specific packaging claims, and my takes:
"Reinforced 3-sided high-performance handle is heat stabilized and modified to provide excellent abrasion protection, impact resistance, and chemical tolerance."
Well since one of the sides says WARNING: DO NOT STRIKE, the impact resistance is likely just dropping it and not whacking on it. The handles ain't too bad in the hand, they're just hard plastic but whatever specific plastic is used has a kinda premium feel if that makes sense. Smooth but take a finger nail across is and it almost feels rubberized or soft, though it isn't. Don't know how to explain it, the package lets you touch the handles so you'll have to check it out.
It's a tri-lobe design, with the warning on one lobe, Channellock on one lobe, and the part number and a US flag on the remaining lobe. There's 6 small scallops in the thinner area right before the end, and the end itself is kinda hex shaped. The plastic molding process needs dialed in though, look at the end of the handle standing up, zoom in. There's a light colored spot and all the handles on both sizes has this and some weird marks.
Precision-machined tips engage fasteners with a secure fit
They kept with the preference for cabinet tips seems like. Can't argue with that, it lets the slotted heads get into places that keystones can't. And unlike some drivers that have those ridges all the way down like they did a quick n dirty tooling pass to make the shape, I can't really see any such markings on the slotted drivers. The Phillips have a quite good engagement with a brand new screw, we'll see how they work over time or on damaged screws. They however do not retain the vapor blasted tips of the last screwdrivers, more on that in a minute.
Rugged tri-alloy US steel blades are vacuum heat-treated for ultimate performance.
Neat. Tri-alloy? I guess this is their marketing wank for steel that has 3 main ingredients? Iron, chrome, vanadium/molybdenum? I dunno. Mayhew's making these for them anyway. If you're a Mayhew fan and for some reason can't get a hold of the OGs since they're releasing them with their own branding also, Channellock ones are made by them.
Vibrant polished shaft provides a non-porous finish and coated for corrosion resistance.
Well maybe they were vibrant when initially polished before coating? Because they aren't now. They have a kind of dark satin look, reminiscent of punches and chisels. The finish is indeed smooth and appears nonporous, but they sure as fuck aren't vibrant unlike the PR acetates that had a bright chrome job on them.
Magnetic tip for fastener control
Must be the update in lieu of vapor blasted tips. Only lightly magnetic though from what I can tell. It's there though. I guess magnetize or demagnetize to your taste.
Heat stamped indicators for easy identification
Here's a new and welcome change compared to the acetates. That one driver that's laying on the other's shank, zoom in. It's not painted or colored but there are size markings on the handle ends now, could be a bit deeper or painted to enhance contrast but it's a start. Slotted ones state the size in inches in a rectangle, Phillips have a number within a +.
Then just more wankery about how the handle is Channellock Blue (yes that's the Hallmark of your brand thank you) and is supposed to reduce fatigue, and how it's 100% Made in USA.
So. Overall. Worth over $9 per driver? Ehhhhhh, I'm gonna say no unless the performance blows me away. You can get many other quality brands that have an established product for considerably less per driver, like Wera complete with a rack thing and 2 more drivers as well as the laser tip and the better handle markings for just a few bucks more. Or at Lowe's where a Wiha 5-piece is $20. Or two 2-packs of Klein with the cushion grip handle for under $35.
submitted by illogictc to Tools [link] [comments]

2023.03.26 00:00 Practical-Basket5018 Rehoming Help

I've been struggling to come to this decision for the last 6 months, and it deeply saddens me that I'm unable to provide for my axolotl, Squiggy, the way he deserves, and I've grown very fond of my little guy which makes me feel even more guilty that it's come to this decision. I'm located in north Georgia roughly 2 hours from Atlanta. Squiggy is a leucistic type and roughly 4-5 years old. He's been such a sweet boy and deserves to have a good life. I've had my axie for around 2-3 years and have struggled with his care the entire time. I rescued him from a friend who was unable to care for him and was told that they are a 'beginner pet' and easy to care for but have since learned that couldn't be farther from the truth. He's currently tubbed since I cannot keep up with the nitrates in the 20 gallon I had him in (misinformation led me to the 20 gallon). I'm doing my best with the daily water changes, but it's a lot with being a full time college student and also holding down a job. I was hoping to move him to a planted 40 gallon tank to make the care easier, but I've been unable to find an affordable stand or dresser than can hold the weight, and also have not been able to locate a 40 gallon aquarium that is less than $100. I can afford the food, chemicals, and even the RO filter I invested in, but these additional purchases are holding me back when I'm not even sure if it would solve my issue of how intense their care is and keeping up with it all. I feel defeated, but I have to face the music and admit that I cannot sustain this and he deserves to be with someone who better understands their care and the routine of maintenance. I don't know anyone who would be interested in taking him and am only familiar with one breedeaquatics store in the area, but I can't say they had the healthiest looking axies with there being about 20 in one tank (its a very large one but still a lot) and no hides present under florescent lights. I'm open to any and all advice.
submitted by Practical-Basket5018 to axolotls [link] [comments]

2023.03.25 23:52 ashelover ASD Review: Emory

I went to the Emory ASD, not really knowing what to expect.
I got a really good impression of Emory throughout the tour and think I am more likely than not to attend now.
At the start of the day, they gathered us in their auditorium to welcome us to Emory and introduce us to some of their offerings.
Then, they had 2 of their professors put on mock classes for admitted students. My mock class was a great lecture taught by an extremely charismatic constitutional law professor who clerked for Justice Sotomayor, the other I heard was taught by Richard Freer. I got a very good impression of the educational quality from this.
Afterwards, there was a quick break and we went back upstairs to the auditorium for a talk about career services. They gave us a look at the job prospects coming out of Emory, pointing us to certain slides and the information in the employment PDF that was given upon admission. The important takeaways: top half seems to give a good shot at biglaw from Emory, but top third is ideal. The part of the class that strikes out has lucrative midlaw and small law opportunities. Career services stressed that Emory absolutely has national placement.
We got lunch following the career services Q&A/presentation. The food was really good, it was an Asian style buffet.
After lunch, they had us pick info sessions to go to based on our interests. I went to the externship session because I wanted to know how Emory connects jobs to students who might not be getting that 2L Biglaw SA at OCI. They seem to do this quite well, leaning on the city of Atlanta to get a lot of below median students jobs and experience at smaller firms and in-house to develop their careers.
The professors(both the one teaching the mock class and the one coordinating externships) seem really chill and willing to work with students. Emory gave me a less neurotic vibe than I would typically associate with an academic setting. That made me feel more welcome and laid-back.
I went to another session about clinics. The clinics seem to be a good resource to connect with opportunities, specifically for people interested in public interest and government work.
At about 2pm, we all went back to the auditorium to have a Q&A with a panel of students about life at Emory. It covered everything from logistics, where to live, academics, etc. Some of the students emphasized living closer to campus, that the commute is a headache if you live too far away. We then had a session about financing and debt that covered COA and how we should deal with law school debt. The person at AccessLex stressed that living alone makes finances very difficult if you have to take out loans, and said not to live like a lawyer while you're a student.
They did closing for the presentations and had us check out the library and the student groups. I found that interesting and a good way to talk to current students in a more informal setting.
submitted by ashelover to lawschooladmissions [link] [comments]

2023.03.25 23:47 Boneal171 5 years experience for a $17 an hour job

5 years experience for a $17 an hour job submitted by Boneal171 to recruitinghell [link] [comments]

2023.03.25 23:26 VarianRydell CMV: Disliking the new Little Mermaid is not wrong

Please read in its entirety
- The constant claims that disliking the new Little Mermaid and it's trailer is racist is not only incredibly uneducated, but it amounts to nothing more than lazy propaganda.
- This is not to say that there haven't been actual racist attacks on the film and on Halle Bailey, because there absolutely have been. While I don't think Halle Bailey is completely innocent in this mess, I don't believe she deserves all the backlash. Even the non racially charged hate has often gotten out of hand. However....
There is absolutely zero evidence that even half of the general negativity to this film is inherently rooted in an inherently racist ideology. Racism is based on the belief that a race or ethnic group is inherently inferior, whether it be mentally, physically, etc, and as a result you don't like them and actively discriminate towards them and display prejudice. This is not the case 95% of the Little Mermaid haters. I shall elaborate by going over the arguments the world puts out saying other otherwise, and explaining why they don't hold up
Argument 1: It's proof that it's racism because the uproar is being directed towards a fictional character
On the surface, this makes sense. Afterall, why else would people care so much about a make-believe character's skin color if they themselves were not racists? However, slightly deeper thinking will reveal that this is an invalid argument because
A. The hypocrisy
If it's a fictional character, and it doesn't matter, why are there so many examples of stupid race-related controversies surrounding both animated and live action characters that are based on non-fact-based claims of "whitewashing". Example: After actress Naomi Scott was cast as Jasmine in the 2019 live remake of "Aladdin", people bitched and moaned about her "Skin being too light". Because there's no such thing as a person of middle eastern descent with a lighter skin tone, right?! It never occurred to all these naysayers maybe she was just the right fit for the writers vision of the character as a whole, in terms of the actual WRITING OF HER ARC??? ( And yes I'm aware that Little mermaid haters keep getting accused of not giving Disney the benefit of the doubt and assuming that Halle Bailey was just the right person for the job, and I will address that in a bit) While not all of these types of controversies can be lumped together as some are more warranted than others, this is clearly something that matters to audiences, for better or for worse. So...maybe instead of jumping to the worst and most brain dead of conclusions, actually think about or investigate why fans are reacting this way
B. How obviously biased must one not even consider the power of nostalgia
As tiresome or small this point may be, it is incredibly relevant. I continue to be baffled by how much power nostalgia holds over people, and how it deeply affects our minds in ways that can be both objectively and subjectively problematic . It affects our emotions and perceptions in so many varied and confusing ways, and when it comes to a big nostalgia factor, for many( particularly millennials), Old school Disney is as powerful as it gets. This is a big part of why I take issue with people who make fun of fans for complaining about the film, especially the red hair who are like "OOOO Halle Bailey looks fabulous, get it over it" because 9 times out of 10, I've discovered that they don't have a strong nostalgic connection to the film, if they even liked the old film at all. No kidding, a lot of those people have animosity towards the old film. Obviously, there are tons of examples of long time lovers of the movie being fine with or promoting black Ariel, and even Halle Bailey herself adored the movie as a child. But it is a pattern to notice with these labelers and accusers
It's also vital to know that the nostalgia to animation is very different from live action. Especially if you were one of probably thousands who mercilessly rewatched these beloved Disney classics, then you've perhaps become deeply familiar with and even connected with everything from certain obscure lines of dialogue or music, to specific animations sequences and images. It's not easily describable or rational, because feelings aren't rational( also, the whole point of film is to evoke, move or persuade emotion) Details of those images connect with your brain, and that is gonna include the skin color. It's just part of the iconic character design. Plus, generally, different ethnic groups have different specific variations of certain facial features. Considering that the most cosplay accurate looking white person would still look very different from a cartoon woman, changing the race changes a lot of the appearance beyond skin color. Now, there are loads of people who are not naturally that visually entranced or connected or visually observant with the world, especially with movies. Plenty of people can look beyond that type of change as long as the spirit of the character is the same, but that doesn't mean that the feelings of the film purists should be invalidated by being called names. As mentioned, we are dealing with very complicated psychology of media consumption, and so easily linking that nostalgia with one of the darkest tragedies of humanity is not only false, but it demonstrates the same lazy black and white thinking that leads to division among humanity as a whole, let alone just ethnic groups. Yes, that purist mindset often leads to toxic and regressive behavior, but if it is the unhealthy purist mindset that says it must be exactly like the original, which it IS, then, ipso facto, that would mean that this "discriminatory behavior"(AKA...disliking a movie trailer and creating a ridiculous twitter hashtag?????) is rooted in just that, a toxic purist mindset, not in a racist ideology. Saying otherwise would imply that these Little mermaid haters have something against Black people as a whole, which, again, we don't have proof of because we don't know these people personally!!! You can't attach an entire world view to these people! On that logic, anyone could get labeled anything for any reason, and there would never be any freedom of expression or speech. Again, yes, there have been documented racist comments, as well as alleged nasty comments in regards to the upcoming film. But that is not even close to enough evidence that racists make up the majority, especially when there are tons of people who have voiced actual solid reasons for not liking the film.
C. It's a ridiculous argument because if a fictional character's skin tone is important, then why should anyone feel as though it's special or significant to have a black actress playing a titular role giving all this "great representation". Not saying I don't think representing different cultures or ethnicities isn't important in the media. It absolutely is, and I'd argue it's the representation we should be seeing more of, specially a harmony and peace between different cultures. It's just odd that they talk out of both sides of their mouth. One side says "be color blind" and the other side says "representation must be prioritized above all else". More on this a bit later
D. Most of the negative commentary of the movie that is related to Ariel's skin tone is in regards to the popular opinion of this film being used to promote race in a political light. The commentary is not given in the context of the skin tone actually being "preferably undesirable" to them personally. A huge portion of the most more personal complaints of the film, especially talking about after this latest full trailer premiered at the Oscars, have been the following thundering utterances
  1. Dim, color-washed lighting and color grading
  2. Photorealistic fish doesn't work
  3. Bad underwater effects overall, like with the swimming
Speaking of the political side of things, Let's finally address that side of the conversation as we tackle the next two arguments. This where we can get some more reasons behind the dislike of the race other than just the aforementioned nostalgia
Argument 2: It must be racism because this type of backlash is always connected to projects that promote diversity
(Hmmm that's interesting. The word "promotes" implies an agenda, positive or negative. But wasn't this supposed to be a color-blind casting? Isn't color supposed to be irrelevant to a made up fish Lady)
Argument 3: Having a black Ariel is great positive representation
Though these arguments are different, they are subtextually connected enough so that my responses to them kind intercept and merge together, so I will address them as one argument
I shall first clarify that I do not believe that race swapping is inherently objectively problematic or objectively a bad artistic choice. Limiting the scope of your talent singularly on race is stupid. I believe that wholesome ethnic and racial representation is important for younger children, while constant demand for representation among adults nowadays, regardless of intent, often borders on a toxic over obsession borne out of narcissism. I also have to mention that I did find it quite moving seeing the reactions of little black girls happily noticing that the titular character resembled them.
However, there are several things to understand and remember in regards to Race Swapping
A. Characters should not be race swapped just for the sake of diversity, but because they are best role for the part
B. Race swapping is not inherently equal to good representation, even though it can be good. It's not inherently negative representation either
C. It should still be understood and respected that race swapping ( Which regardless of the constant gaslighting IS a form of erasing history) is going to be an emotional trigger for fans, and that should be acknowledged and respected, not demonized
To understand why Race Swapping is generally frowned upon and viewed as being political, we must first establish that Hollywood does
  1. pay media news outlets to write biased or false articles for damage control if a film or show doesn’t seem to being well or to clear up their image
  2. Hollywood does indeed throw social and identity politics into their products not only to reflect their own values, but to pander and/or appeal to specific audiences and social trends, only with money in mind and not ethics.
This might seem bleedingly obvious to some, but for many moviegoers, these two points are denied or called conspiracy theories.
Now this is in part to be expected. Hollywood is, well, a business. Its focus is to make money, primarily by appealing to what’s popular. However, where it becomes increasingly problematic is it comes at the expense of audience members that Hollywood highlights by insisting that they are being represented.
Coming from a black person, I can say that most of the most prominent and strongest voices of the “Haters'' club has been other African Americans, who like me, are passionate Disney fans who want to see more racially diverse characters, specifically black people, at the forefront of stories. These raceswaps culturally appropriates and rewrite European characters while rubbing in our faces that our chances for representation in Disney's animated canon will keep getting denied by patronizing us, saying that we are being given a great gift.
Let us look at the race swapping of Hermione Granger in “Harry Potter and the Cursed Child”
Many people, including myself, were happy and intrigued at this new interpretation of the the classic trio, However, Hermione is canonically white, and this was at a time where JK Rowling's reliance on what was true and false in Harry potter was not at all trustworthy, which made the situation more suspicious and messy. The race Swap felt ingenuine and politically calculated
Argument 4: Changing the ethnicity shouldn’t take you out of the experience because it is a Mermaid, and mermaids are not real.
Clearly, you do not understand how immersion works. We can easily suspend our disbelief, as we know that the fictional world is different from our own as long as everything in the world is consistent. The remake is supposed to be recreating that world, which means having such a huge change will take many people out of the experience. Rationally, it is true that we can’t expect a remake to be just like the original, otherwise it would be pointless and pathetic. However, it is more than understandable and fair to have those feelings because remakes are made with audiences that the studios are literally COUNTING ON TO HAVE SEEN THIS BEFORE in mind!!!!!!!!!! Of course we are going to compare the character design!
In summary, Disliking the Live action Little Mermaid is not racism, it is valid criticism, despite a few undeniable bad apples in the bunch
submitted by VarianRydell to changemyview [link] [comments]

2023.03.25 23:20 King-of-Taste Defective Copy?

Defective Copy?
First run of the new program and I don't know where to start...
First of all, I've been running 22 until today and I love the new look. Things also seem to run faster, and you gotta like that.
Game simulation? Rangers World Series Champions? Wait! The laughs continue...
Seems the sixth seed St. Louis Cardinals with an 83-79 record represent the National League....
The Mariners finished in last in the AL West, five games behind the A's... This is the second worst record in the AL behind the Tigers with 110 loses... I don't think the fish lose 110 this year.
On the "It Just Might Happen" front... The O's made the playoffs with 98 wins, five behind the Jays... Rasmussen and Snell take the Cy Young Awards, Ramirez and Soto take MVP honors. Maybe the Reds win 76...
On the "Absolutely Positively Never Gonna Happen" list? Trout plays 160 games. Come on!
The most realistic aspects? The Angels missed the playoff (again). The Dodgers lost in the first round (again). The Rockies lost 105. Tigers lose 110.
What do I love? The Yankees missed the playoffs. My second favorite team is whoever is playing the Yankees.
Hey, I know it's a game and literally none of this upsets me. I just wanted to share my first play through Out Of The Box. I'm so happy to have the new version and I love the way it looks and feels. Happy birthday to me!
submitted by King-of-Taste to OOTP [link] [comments]

2023.03.25 23:19 DaveShap_Automator Epistemic-Pragmatic Orthogonality in AI (What does AI really understand? What does it matter?)

Executive Summary

(Note, everything in the Executive Summary was written by ChatGPT4)
Epistemic-Pragmatic Orthogonality is a concept that highlights the distinction between the epistemological aspects of artificial intelligence (AI) systems, such as understanding and consciousness, and their pragmatic utility as tools designed to perform tasks and solve problems. This distinction emphasizes that the development and evaluation of AI systems can occur independently along these two dimensions.
The epistemic dimension focuses on questions related to AI's capacity for genuine understanding, consciousness, and the ability to process information similarly to humans. This includes inquiries into AI's semantic understanding, symbol grounding, emotions, empathy, and cognitive abilities. The debate surrounding the epistemic dimension often delves into philosophical perspectives on consciousness, such as functionalism, dualism, and panpsychism, as well as ethical considerations related to AI's development and deployment.
On the other hand, the pragmatic dimension is concerned with the practical applications and utility of AI systems. This encompasses their capabilities to perform tasks, learn from data, adapt to new situations, and collaborate with humans. The pragmatic dimension is primarily focused on the optimization and improvement of AI systems as tools that can augment human capabilities and address complex problems.
Epistemic-Pragmatic Orthogonality suggests that advancements in AI's pragmatic utility do not necessarily imply progress in its epistemic aspects, and vice versa. AI systems may excel at specific tasks without possessing a deep understanding of the information they process, while debates about AI's consciousness and understanding may not directly impact its practical applications.
Recognizing the distinction between the epistemic and pragmatic dimensions of AI can help guide research and development efforts by enabling a more nuanced evaluation of AI systems. It can also promote a more informed public discourse about AI by clarifying misconceptions and encouraging a balanced assessment of AI's potential benefits and limitations.
In conclusion, the concept of Epistemic-Pragmatic Orthogonality provides a valuable framework for understanding the relationship between AI's epistemological aspects and its practical utility. By appreciating the independence of these dimensions, researchers, developers, policymakers, and the public can better navigate the challenges and opportunities presented by AI technology.


A lot of people are confused about the rise of AI. They say things like "the AI doesn't truly understand anything" which begs epistemological questions. Let's talk about this.


The assertion that "AI doesn't truly understand anything" opens up a philosophical debate around the nature of understanding, intelligence, and consciousness. When discussing this topic, it is essential to consider different perspectives on what it means to "understand" something.
Functionalism: According to this perspective, understanding is a matter of being able to perform specific functions or tasks. If an AI system can perform tasks that require understanding, such as language translation or problem-solving, it could be argued that the AI does indeed understand. However, critics argue that this is a shallow understanding since the AI system may not have a deeper grasp of the underlying concepts.
Symbol grounding problem: This problem arises when we consider how symbols (words or representations) are connected to the objects or concepts they represent. Humans ground their understanding of symbols in sensory experiences, while AI systems typically ground their symbols in data and algorithms. This difference leads some to argue that AI systems don't truly understand the symbols they manipulate because they lack the same grounding that humans possess.
Consciousness and subjective experience: Some philosophers argue that true understanding requires consciousness and subjective experience. According to this view, AI systems may not "understand" anything in the same way that humans do because they lack consciousness and subjective experiences. This debate raises questions about the nature of consciousness and whether it is possible for AI systems to ever possess it.
Chinese Room argument: This thought experiment, proposed by philosopher John Searle, involves a person in a room who follows instructions to manipulate Chinese characters without understanding the language. The person appears to understand Chinese to an outside observer but does not actually comprehend the meaning of the characters. Searle's argument suggests that even if an AI system appears to understand something, it may not have any genuine comprehension of the subject matter.
In conclusion, the question of whether AI systems truly understand anything is a complex and multifaceted issue that depends on one's philosophical stance on understanding, intelligence, and consciousness. Different perspectives offer varying insights, and the debate is ongoing as AI continues to advance and challenge our assumptions about the nature of understanding.


Thanks. I tend to look at this from a purely information perspective. Information in the concept of physics. Human senses are just information from the physical world. Machine data, ultimately, also comes from the physical world. What is this argument called? Explore this perspective.


The perspective you are referring to can be associated with the concept of "information processing" and the idea that both humans and machines process information derived from the physical world. From this standpoint, human cognition and AI can be seen as different instances of information processing systems.
This perspective is rooted in the computational theory of mind, which posits that cognitive processes are fundamentally computational in nature. Proponents of this view argue that mental states and processes can be understood as information processing, and the brain is an information processing system similar to a computer.
Some key ideas related to this perspective include:
Physical symbol system hypothesis: This hypothesis, proposed by Allen Newell and Herbert A. Simon, posits that a physical symbol system has the necessary and sufficient means to exhibit intelligent behavior. In this context, both human cognition and AI can be seen as symbol-manipulating systems that process information.
Connectionism: This approach to understanding cognition emphasizes the importance of distributed representations and parallel processing, which are inspired by the structure and function of neural networks in the human brain. Artificial neural networks, used in AI systems, are designed to mimic the human brain's information processing mechanisms. From this perspective, the similarities between human cognition and AI systems lie in the way they process information through interconnected nodes.
Information theory: This branch of applied mathematics, developed by Claude Shannon, deals with the quantification, storage, and communication of information. When applied to the study of cognition and AI, information theory helps us understand the principles governing information processing, such as how information is encoded, transmitted, and decoded, in both biological and artificial systems.
While the information processing perspective highlights the similarities between human cognition and AI systems, it's important to recognize the differences as well. For example, human cognition is deeply grounded in sensory experiences and emotions, whereas AI systems typically rely on structured data and algorithms. Furthermore, the question of consciousness and subjective experience remains unresolved, as it's still unclear whether AI systems can ever achieve these qualities.
In conclusion, the information processing perspective emphasizes the shared basis of human cognition and AI systems in terms of processing information from the physical world. This view provides a foundation for understanding the similarities and differences between the two types of systems, while also acknowledging the ongoing debate surrounding consciousness and subjective experience.


Let's think about the emotional factors here. Many people reject the idea of AI because it's scary, threatens their identity, etc. I've noticed things like magical thinking (AI will be able to kill everyone instantly) as well as human exceptionalism (AI will never be able to do anything that humans can do). Let's explore this aspect of the debate


The emotional factors in the AI debate are indeed important to consider, as they often influence people's perceptions and reactions to AI technology. Fear, identity, and various biases can shape the public's understanding and acceptance of AI advancements. Let's explore some of these emotional aspects:
Fear of the unknown: AI is a rapidly evolving field, and people may feel apprehensive about the implications of these advancements. The idea of machines possessing intelligence and autonomy can be unsettling and may evoke a sense of uncertainty and fear. People may worry about AI systems making mistakes, being used maliciously, or becoming uncontrollable.
Threat to human identity: AI challenges the notion of human exceptionalism by raising questions about what makes humans unique. As AI systems become more capable of performing tasks that were once reserved for humans, people may feel threatened by the potential erosion of human identity or the blurring of boundaries between human and machine.
Job displacement concerns: The increasing capabilities of AI systems have led to concerns about job displacement and unemployment. People may worry that AI will replace human workers across various industries, leading to economic instability and social unrest.
Magical thinking: Some people may overestimate the capabilities of AI, believing that it will be able to perform tasks that are currently beyond its reach or develop a level of intelligence that surpasses human comprehension. This kind of thinking can fuel unrealistic fears, such as the notion that AI could instantly become a global threat.
Human exceptionalism: On the other end of the spectrum, some people may underestimate the potential of AI, insisting that it will never be able to replicate human capabilities. This belief may stem from a desire to preserve a sense of human superiority or uniqueness, which can lead to resistance or dismissal of AI advancements.
Ethical and moral concerns: People may worry about the ethical implications of AI development, such as privacy, surveillance, and the potential for AI systems to perpetuate existing biases and inequalities. These concerns can contribute to feelings of unease or opposition to AI technology.
Addressing these emotional factors is essential for fostering a more balanced and informed public discourse about AI. By promoting transparency, engaging in open dialogue, and establishing ethical guidelines, researchers and policymakers can help alleviate fears and misconceptions surrounding AI, while also ensuring that its development remains responsible and aligned with human values.


Can you free associate on the topic of "true understanding" and AI for a bit?


True understanding, a concept that has sparked much debate in the context of AI, prompts us to delve into various ideas and associations. Let's explore some related thoughts and themes:
Consciousness: True understanding is often linked to consciousness, as it is believed that genuine comprehension requires subjective experience. The nature of consciousness and its relationship with AI is a fascinating area of inquiry.
Semantic understanding: AI systems process vast amounts of data and generate complex patterns, but do they grasp the meaning of the information they process? Assessing AI's capacity for semantic understanding is essential when evaluating its ability to achieve true understanding.
Machine learning: Machine learning algorithms enable AI systems to learn from data and improve their performance over time. This process raises questions about the depth of understanding these systems can acquire through learning and adaptation.
Symbol grounding: The symbol grounding problem highlights the difference between human understanding, rooted in sensory experiences, and AI understanding, based on data and algorithms. This distinction brings the notion of "true understanding" into question.
Emotions and empathy: Human understanding is often enriched by emotions and empathy. Can AI systems ever possess these qualities, and if so, would that bring them closer to true understanding?
Human-AI collaboration: As AI systems become more sophisticated, they will likely continue to complement and augment human capabilities. Exploring the synergies between human understanding and AI understanding can reveal new insights into the nature of true understanding.
Intuition and creativity: True understanding is often associated with the ability to generate intuitive insights and creative solutions. Can AI systems develop these abilities, or are they limited to the patterns and associations derived from their training data?
Philosophical perspectives: The concept of true understanding is inherently philosophical, involving perspectives such as functionalism, dualism, and panpsychism. Engaging with these ideas can enrich our understanding of the nature and limits of AI.
Ethical considerations: As AI systems become more capable, it's crucial to examine the ethical implications of their development, including questions about fairness, transparency, and accountability. These considerations can inform our understanding of what true understanding means in the context of AI.
Evolving definitions: As AI continues to advance, our definitions of understanding and intelligence may evolve. Embracing this fluidity can help us better appreciate the complex interplay between human cognition and AI systems.


Great thanks. Good ideas. Let's take one big step back. So what? Is there any utility to having the discussion about AI and understanding?


Yes, there is utility in having discussions about AI and understanding. Such conversations contribute to a deeper comprehension of AI's potential, limitations, and implications for society. Here are several reasons why these discussions are valuable:
Guiding AI development: Debates on AI and understanding can help researchers and developers focus on creating AI systems that align with human values and interests. These conversations can inform the design of AI systems, leading to the development of more beneficial, ethically responsible technologies.
Clarifying misconceptions: Dialogues about AI and understanding can help dispel myths and misunderstandings surrounding AI capabilities and limitations. By addressing these misconceptions, we can foster a more informed public discourse about AI and its impact on society.
Ethical considerations: Conversations about AI and understanding can highlight ethical concerns, such as bias, privacy, accountability, and the potential for misuse. Addressing these issues is critical for ensuring that AI systems are developed and deployed responsibly.
Shaping policy and regulation: As AI systems become more integrated into various aspects of society, it is essential to have a clear understanding of their capabilities and limitations. These discussions can inform policymakers and regulators, helping them create appropriate guidelines and policies that balance innovation with societal needs and ethical considerations.
Education and public engagement: Dialogues about AI and understanding can promote scientific literacy and public engagement in AI-related topics. By raising awareness and fostering curiosity, these conversations can contribute to a more informed and engaged citizenry.
Human-AI collaboration: Understanding the nature of AI systems and their potential for understanding can help us identify opportunities for collaboration between humans and AI. These discussions can reveal insights into how AI can augment human abilities and contribute to solving complex problems.
Preparing for future advancements: As AI technology continues to evolve, it is crucial to anticipate and prepare for future developments. Conversations about AI and understanding can help us understand the potential trajectories of AI and the challenges and opportunities that may arise.
Interdisciplinary collaboration: Discussions about AI and understanding often involve insights from various disciplines, such as computer science, philosophy, psychology, and neuroscience. These interdisciplinary dialogues can foster new ideas and collaborations, promoting a richer understanding of AI and its implications.
In conclusion, the discussion about AI and understanding is valuable because it helps guide the development of AI technology, clarifies misconceptions, addresses ethical concerns, informs policy and regulation, promotes education and public engagement, fosters human-AI collaboration, and encourages interdisciplinary collaboration. By engaging in these conversations, we can work together to ensure that AI is developed and utilized in ways that are beneficial to humanity.


Alright. I'd like you to play devil's advocate for a minute. Against me, yourself, etc. To put it another way, I'd like you to look at these discussions from a different, more eccentric perspective. Just for the sake of argument.


From a more eccentric perspective, one could argue that discussions about AI and understanding may be overemphasizing certain aspects or even overlooking the fundamental nature of AI itself. Let's consider some counterpoints:
AI as a tool: At its core, AI is a tool created by humans. Debates about understanding and consciousness may distract from the more practical aspects of AI technology. Instead, the focus should be on how to use and improve AI systems as tools to help us achieve specific goals, rather than dwelling on whether they possess some deeper understanding.
Anthropomorphism: The tendency to attribute human-like qualities to AI systems might lead to unrealistic expectations or unnecessary concerns. By treating AI as an entirely separate entity, we might be overlooking the more pressing questions related to the technology's impact on society, such as job displacement, privacy, and the digital divide.
Inherent limitations of AI: AI systems are fundamentally based on algorithms and data. These limitations may imply that true understanding, as we conceive it in humans, may never be achievable by AI systems. Therefore, the debate about AI and understanding could be futile or misplaced.
Potential for stagnation: Overemphasizing the importance of AI understanding might hinder the development of more advanced AI systems. If we become too concerned about creating AI systems that possess human-like understanding or consciousness, we might impose constraints on AI research that could prevent valuable advancements.
Focus on human adaptation: Instead of trying to make AI more like humans in terms of understanding and consciousness, we could focus on adapting ourselves to better interact with and leverage AI systems. This perspective shifts the emphasis from molding AI to fit human conceptions of understanding to enhancing human-AI collaboration through improved communication and interaction.
Redefining understanding: The debates surrounding AI and understanding might be an opportunity to reconsider and redefine what understanding means. As AI systems continue to evolve, we may need to adapt our conceptions of understanding and intelligence to accommodate the unique capabilities and characteristics of these systems.
While adopting an eccentric or contrarian perspective can provide valuable insights, it's essential to balance these ideas with more conventional views to ensure a comprehensive understanding of AI and its implications. By considering a wide range of perspectives, we can better navigate the challenges and opportunities presented by AI technology.


Excellent. Let's try to come up with a term, or set of terms, so that we can communicate these concepts. As I'm sure you know, there is a lot of value in naming things. Like "the control problem" or "the ought is problem". What should we call this particular debate?


Indeed, coining terms to describe specific debates or concepts can facilitate communication and promote a shared understanding. For this particular debate, which revolves around the nature of AI's understanding, consciousness, and potential limitations, you could consider the following terms:
AI Comprehension Conundrum: This term captures the central question of whether AI systems can genuinely comprehend information and concepts in the same way humans do.
AI Understanding Dilemma: This term emphasizes the conflicting views and challenges surrounding the notion of AI's understanding and its implications.
Machine Consciousness Paradox: This term highlights the tension between AI's seemingly intelligent behavior and the uncertainty surrounding its capacity for consciousness.
AI Cognition Quandary: This term encompasses the broader debate about the nature of AI's cognitive abilities, including understanding, learning, and problem-solving.
You can choose one of these terms or combine them to create a more comprehensive label for the debate, such as the "AI Comprehension and Consciousness Conundrum." The key is to find a term that accurately conveys the complexity and essence of the discussion while also promoting clarity and shared understanding.


I think the concept of orthogonality is helpful here. Machine utility is orthogonal to it's epistemology. Can you try some different names that are more precise. Borrow from philosophy if you need.


Certainly, incorporating the concept of orthogonality can help emphasize the distinction between machine utility and its epistemological underpinnings. Drawing inspiration from philosophy, we can consider the following terms:
Epistemic-Pragmatic Orthogonality: This term highlights the separation between the epistemological aspects of AI (i.e., its understanding and consciousness) and its pragmatic utility as a tool designed to perform tasks and solve problems.
AI Cognition-Utility Divide: This term underscores the distinction between AI's cognitive abilities and its practical applications, suggesting that the two can be independently evaluated and developed.
AI Knowledge-Function Dichotomy: This term emphasizes the potential disconnect between AI's knowledge representation and its functional capabilities, drawing attention to the difference between what AI systems "know" and what they can do.
Orthogonal AI Understanding: This term conveys the idea that AI's understanding, or lack thereof, may not necessarily impact its practical utility, as the two dimensions can evolve independently.
These terms aim to capture the essence of the debate while incorporating the concept of orthogonality to emphasize the distinction between AI's epistemological aspects and its practical utility. You can select one that resonates most with the ideas you'd like to convey or even combine elements from different terms to create a new label.


Great. I love "Epistemic-Pragmatic Orthogonality". Can you write a detailed executive summary of Epistemic-Pragmatic Orthogonality?


Title: Epistemic-Pragmatic Orthogonality
Executive Summary:
Epistemic-Pragmatic Orthogonality is a concept that highlights the distinction between the epistemological aspects of artificial intelligence (AI) systems, such as understanding and consciousness, and their pragmatic utility as tools designed to perform tasks and solve problems. This distinction emphasizes that the development and evaluation of AI systems can occur independently along these two dimensions.
The epistemic dimension focuses on questions related to AI's capacity for genuine understanding, consciousness, and the ability to process information similarly to humans. This includes inquiries into AI's semantic understanding, symbol grounding, emotions, empathy, and cognitive abilities. The debate surrounding the epistemic dimension often delves into philosophical perspectives on consciousness, such as functionalism, dualism, and panpsychism, as well as ethical considerations related to AI's development and deployment.
On the other hand, the pragmatic dimension is concerned with the practical applications and utility of AI systems. This encompasses their capabilities to perform tasks, learn from data, adapt to new situations, and collaborate with humans. The pragmatic dimension is primarily focused on the optimization and improvement of AI systems as tools that can augment human capabilities and address complex problems.
Epistemic-Pragmatic Orthogonality suggests that advancements in AI's pragmatic utility do not necessarily imply progress in its epistemic aspects, and vice versa. AI systems may excel at specific tasks without possessing a deep understanding of the information they process, while debates about AI's consciousness and understanding may not directly impact its practical applications.
Recognizing the distinction between the epistemic and pragmatic dimensions of AI can help guide research and development efforts by enabling a more nuanced evaluation of AI systems. It can also promote a more informed public discourse about AI by clarifying misconceptions and encouraging a balanced assessment of AI's potential benefits and limitations.
In conclusion, the concept of Epistemic-Pragmatic Orthogonality provides a valuable framework for understanding the relationship between AI's epistemological aspects and its practical utility. By appreciating the independence of these dimensions, researchers, developers, policymakers, and the public can better navigate the challenges and opportunities presented by AI technology.
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2023.03.25 23:14 JoeOutrage The reward for a job well done? No promotion and "quiet quitting"

This is absolutely just a rant, so if it's not your thing feel free to skip it. On mobile, etc.
For the sake of simplicity and to cover my ass, let's say I got hired to make pizzas. It pays well, even better than when I managed 100+ people to make pizzas! Good benefits, equity, 401k, all that good stuff. I was happy, because I wanted to step away from management and just make pizzas.
There weren't really always a lot of customers to meet our goals of making a certain amount of pizzas per day. However, that left me time to perfect my pizza making, and in fact make more complicated pizzas that took more time. I was put on the extra complicated pizzas team, which made less pizza but of course, it was more complex.
But it was still slow. They asked me if I could wash the delivery car, I said I'll do you one better. I can wash it and fix it! I can even plot our courses better so we can be more efficient in our deliveries! Soon managers and the director was pulling me away more and more from pizza making, and more to do other things. I even, at their request, analyzed all the pizza data to help them come up with an informed decision about changing our business hours. No one knew the ins and outs of what went into running that side of the pizza business or understood how to analyze pizza data but me, so I was tasked with that project. We did indeed adjust our pizza hours as a result.
Just recently, a position opened up. It was a "do everything we've been asking OP to do" and I thought it was an easy in.
The Director of Pizza said I was not eligible for this role. The reasoning? My pizza making count was too low. The time period was during when she herself asked me to look at all the training materials, fix them all up, and then train the new outsourced pizza maker. "OP, spend as much time away from making pizza as you need to get training up to date, all week, and train the new pizza maker." The big rub, is she didn't have the gall to tell me herself. She pawned it off on my manager (who didn't agree with her) and HR while she took the day off.
My next steps? I'm going back to making pizzas, and only pizzas. Any special projects, I will push back and say I need to focus on my current pizza making duties. If they insist, I will get the request in writing and meticulously track the time I spend outside of making pizzas to work on this project. I'll be doing that anyways, tracking how many pizza requests come in, how many were capable of being made by each person every hour interval, etc.
The moral of this story? Sometimes you get burned at a job you really like. Don't do extra work for free. Just make your pizzas.
To answer any potentially asked question: I can't just quit. This is capitalism at it's finest, I need the money. More over, I NEED the benefits. My wife's chemo is $22k USD per visit. I can't go anywhere for the time being. I don't mind rocking the boat, but I don't need it to sink just yet!
Thanks for reading, I genuinely feel better after getting it all out.
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2023.03.25 22:58 Goldenchamp19 I HAVE BEEN HACKED ON FACEBOOK.

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2023.03.25 22:50 agirlmakesnoclaim Niche Romance Reviews: Shorter Dudes

For this round of niche romance reviews, I was looking for books where a hero is either described as short or his height is mentioned explicitly as being 5’7” or less. This was actually extremely difficult—I ended up reading quite a few books on this quest, but several of the recommended ones had heroes who were average height, which is only short in romancelandia. I’m not sure I got it quite right here, but I included what seemed to fit.
His Secret Illuminations and His Sacred Incantations by Scarlett Gale: 5/5 stars. m/f, fantasy. This is my gold standard for gender role reversal stories. I raved about it here: The hero is short/small and the heroine is a tall, buff, warrior woman. One of my absolute faves.
Steam: ⅗, maybe ⅘ in the second book though
Small Packages by Drea Braddock: 4.5/5 stars. M/F contemporary novella. This was a delightful surprise. The hero of this book is a slight 5’7” engineering scientist who happens to have a very small penis (this isn’t a spoiler, you find out pretty early). He was diagnosed with a micropenis as a child but doesn’t technically qualify for that definition any more because he had hormone therapy when he was growing up (in case you are wondering, they are able to have piv sex). The heroine is a naval intelligence officer with autism. So, hear me out. I know that lots of romance readers like the fantasy of large penises, but if you give this once a chance I think it’s worth it. And some of us, myself included, are tired of forearm sized dicks in romance. The hero here has a lot of insecurities about it, especially since most girls don’t stick around when they find out. He’s gotten really good at oral sex for that reason. So with the heroine, he experiences his first blow job, first PIV, his first love. And the MCs are just so sweet together. The autism rep for the heroine is great. The writing and dialogue aren’t perfect, but this was so unexpectedly delightful that I rated it highly anyway. The author’s dedication is great: “for everyone who has ever been made to feel that a Happily Ever After isn’t in the cards for them because of how they were made.”
Steam: ⅘ ish
Well Met by Jen Deluca: ⅘ stars. M/F contemporary. I read this one a while ago, so I don’t have it fresh in my mind enough to give a ton of commentary, but I really enjoyed this. He is described as being notably on the shorter side, but no specific height is given.
Steam: ⅗ from what I remember
Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins: ⅘ stars. M/F YA. So, I was surprised by how much I loved this. I said in my other recent reviews that I’ve started picking up YA again—I had a period of quite a few years where I wouldn’t read it. Now that I’m nearing 40, I find myself enjoying the nostalgia of it. I’m never going to be 17 again, thank God, but it can be fun to reminisce. The heroine, Anna, is at an American boarding school in Paris, which is about as far from my adolescence as you can get, but I could still empathize with her. This book really captures that powerful, excruciating feeling of falling in love for the first time. Now, there are some things about this book that some people will hate. The characters do some believably immature and stupid teenagery things, and their actions can be frustrating. Some of the reviews were pretty caustic about the heroine, but I found her to be written like a typical 17 year old, which I actually appreciated. Also, the hero, Etienne, has a girlfriend for much of the book, and there’s lots of emotional cheating on his part. This is the third book I’ve read recently that has infidelity, and while it’s never my favorite, I didn’t mind it as much here because the characters are so young and confused and hormonal. That will be different for some readers. Anyway, the hero here is indeed short, so it fits on this list. Some of you will really enjoy this, but like I said, it’s definitely not for everyone. I wouldn’t mind reading a more grown up or even college version of this, but as it was, I found it to be very sweet even if it wasn’t perfect.
Steam: ⅕ (kisses only)
Strings by Marie Lipscomb: 4/5 stars. M/F contemporary. So, this is the second book on this list with a hero named Etienne, which is wild because I’d never read a character with that name and then all the sudden I read two books in a row with it. I really loved this too. The hero is 5’5”, thick, and a skilled vocalist who ends up singing with the heroine’s band. The heroine describes him as “a short king with big dick energy” and also delivers this amazing bit of description: if a gorilla and a peacock somehow mated and raised their unholy offspring on a diet of pure Kobe beef and condor eggs, it’d be half as solid as him and have only a fraction of the swagger. He’s super into the heroine from pretty early on. If that’s not enough, he’s also into gentle femdom and likes being tied up. If any of that sounds appealing, you will love this book. There were, however, a couple things that didn’t quite work for me. This is really instalovey, which I do like often enough, but it took some of the tension out of this story for me. That will work better for you if you are more into instalove. Also, the main conflict made me frustrated. I would still wholeheartedly recommend this book, though.
Steam: ⅘, maybe, with some kink included. Oh, and some sex toy play!
The Stand-Up Groomsman by Jackie Lau: 3.5/5 stars. M/F contemporary. As a general rule, I love Jackie Lau (The Professor Next Door is a stand out for me), and I really liked this one but it wasn’t my fave from her. It does have some great things going for it, including a 5’6”, chubby hero, two bisexual MCs (I’ve honestly only read maybe 3 or 4 other m/f romances with a bisexual hero), and a particularly great and realistic sex scene—the heroine tells him she can only orgasm with oral sex or a vibrator, even though she does like penetration, and he doesn’t push the issue. He just goes down on her again after PIV. The heroine is really prickly and uptight (with good reason), and I do love a prickly heroine. She’s kind of a loner, which is in sharp contrast to the hero. The hero is a stand up comedian and a huge goofball, and though he would probably start to annoy me irl, I enjoyed his quirks on the page. He also uses humor to cover up some deep insecurities and trauma. As for the stuff I didn’t love as much: there are swaths of this devoted to his stand up routine, and it’s a testament to the author’s skill that it almost worked for me. I’ve seen tons of stand up and I could kind of picture how he might deliver his lines, and how I might laugh at them. But stand up written out just isn’t the same (the book is actually self aware about this). Also, the beginning of this dragged quite a bit for me. It got better as it went on. Still, this was a pleasant read with lots of great rep.
Steam: 3/5
The Intimacy Experiment by Rosie Danan: 3/5 stars. M/f contemporary. The hero here is described as short, and maybe shorter than the heroine if I remember correctly. It’s also been a while since I read this one. I liked this, but not as much as The Roommate by the same author, which I loved. It features a former porn star and a rabbi, which is certainly a unique combo, but I was underwhelmed by their chemistry.
Steam: ⅗
Someone to Love by Mary Balogh: 3/5 stars, m/f historical. I wasn’t sure if I should include this. When the heroine meets the hero, a Duke, she describes him as no taller than average, but everything else in the book points to the hero being small. He was bullied as a child for being very small, and he meets several men in the book who tower over him and are described as being “twice his size,” since he is a slight man. Anyway, I loved the premise of this book—the heroine is an earl’s legitimate daughter but she has never known that, as she has grown up in an orphanage. There’s a lot of great initial drama with her half siblings and newly discovered family. For all that potential, though, the book is more sedate than I thought it would be, and I was underwhelmed by the romance as well as the sex scenes. Also, this book is guilty of a really cringe-inducing portrayal of a Chinese man. You can read more about it in this review: . If you read the comments, Courtney Milan has some great commentary, and Mary Balogh actually responds. I do think she was taking it seriously. If you don’t want to read all that, basically the hero in this book, after being bullied as a child, meets an unnamed Chinese man who teaches him an unnamed martial art along with other “wisdom” and it’s got real Magical Asian vibes. The Duke is then imbued with near supernatural ability to appear intimidating or bring a much larger man down easily. This is actually a very small part of the book, and it didn’t absolutely ruin it for me, but it was conspicuous and cringy. Only you could know whether or not this will bother you a lot, but it’s worth knowing about beforehand.
Steam: ⅖ (romance up says ⅗, but I thought it was more mild than that)
The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic: 2.5/5 stars. M/M contemporary sports romance, au. This book is kind of a mess. It’s so surreal (and often confusing) that it’s a little like reading a fever dream. It’s an alternate universe story about a made up sport called Exy, which is described as an evolved sort of lacrosse on a soccer-sized court with the violence of ice hockey. The sport is co-ed, which I did like. Don’t ask me any more about it because I honestly couldn’t explain it. I’m pretty sure the characters are in college but that takes too long to be clear. The MC’s father is a murderous crime lord and there are plot lines involving Japanese gangs, though the details on that are a little hazy as well. The MC, Neil, is on a team of misfits, the foxes, who seem to do whatever they want. Neil is indeed short and his apparent love interest is even shorter. I say “apparent” because there isn’t much in the way of romance here, but the main pairing is (I think) between Neil (the POV character) and Andrew. Andrew, the love interest, is a 5 foot tall feral, terrifying psycho. This book needs lots of CWs, including forced drugging, homophobic and ableist slurs, murder, drug overdose, violence. I did care about Neil, which made this somewhat more compelling. There are some of you who will love this (that’s not an insult, I promise), and I can see why it’s a cult classic—it’s unique, and completely bananas. So was this good or well written? Not particularly. Am I going to read the next book to see what happens? Yes, definitely.
Steam: 0/5
Chasin' Eight by Lorelei James: 2/5 stars, m/f contemporary. This one featured a 5’7” hero and a 5’10” heroine, which made me excited to read it. However, this didn’t quite work for me. I will admit that I’m a bit allergic to cowboy/rodeo/redneck/country boy romances. Having grown up in a rural town full of good ol’ boy types, I can tell you it’s not always sexy (despite also knowing some truly lovely people who came from my hometown). The hero’s persistent use of the word “nekkid” made my eye twitch. Rodeo culture feels especially icky to me—I’m not super educated on it, however, so maybe I have the wrong impression. Also, I was super put off by the opening scene in this book. The hero is having a threesome—which would be fine—but the girls involved didn’t seem like real people. The hero seems to value fighting, fucking, and bull riding, which definitely made me roll my eyes—other than being short, he reads like a parody of masculinity. I’ve recently read a few heroines who find “real men” after dating “sensitive types,” and I don’t like the implication that there’s something unattractive about men who are willing to discuss feelings or aren’t uber masculine. The heroine is a B level actress who is escaping to Wyoming for romance reasons, and she and the hero end up in the same place. There are lots of side characters I didn’t know or care about, though I suppose that’s the problem when you don’t start with the first in a series. The sex was fine, but the hero was pretty dommy and I’m just tired of that (listen, I know I’m virtually alone here). One thing I liked was that the heroine has had a boob job, which is weirdly refreshing because those are usually disparaged in romance. Again, there are lots of people on this sub who will love this—if you read the sample and it seems up your alley, you will like the rest of the book, too. It just wasn’t my cuppa. I mean, I hated Cash Wall and people absolutely love him, so I’m sure it’s just me who’s the weirdo.
Steam: 4/5 ish
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2023.03.25 22:50 Sad-Delivery1525 I am conflicted with two job offers?

I have two job offers and I am conflicted in what choice I should make. Both are in retail. However, one is a bookseller position. It is an insanely popular indie chain here in NYC (I’m not going to say the name but is so easily identifiable). I am currently getting my BFA in creative writing and then I intend to get my MFA in Library Sciences with hopes of becoming an archivist in the future. I see this as my way of getting my foot into the literary career space. However, it is well known it is horrible to work at this bookstore. The owner is a pos and the pay is $15 hourly. Glassdoor and Indeed employee reviews from the past year all echo the same sentiment of stay away and it is a horrible place to be and not redeemable in any sense. The second choice is a tea cafe/ceramics position. The pay is $19 an hour and seems nice. Employee reviews are decent. Listen, I know most retail jobs will not be a day at the beach. That does not bother me, I don’t expect perfection or complete content at a job right now as I continue schooling and doing what I need to do. I’ve done years in jobs that are far from great. I don’t know if I should just do the higher paying job or just do the bookstore cause its more relevant to my career and could open my doors for me (possibly transfer to the New York Public Libraries here) could use some advice.
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2023.03.25 22:28 TeamINSTINCT37 Wizards Draft Outlook


With the season coming to a close soon it's about time to start looking at our draft pick situation and where we are likely to end up as well as who is likely to be on the board for our pick.
First off, what spot are we ending up at? Currently we are tied with the Pacers for the 7th spot. 2 games ahead of the Magic (with a game left against them) and less than 4 games separate us from half a dozen more teams. We are far enough out that we could be anywhere from 5th to 15th and it wouldn't be that crazy. One thing to note, if we do make the playoffs, we are losing our first to the Knicks that we traded away long ago to the Rockets in the original Westbrook deal.
With 8 games to go, here are how things stack up in terms of standings currently (I am including all teams within 4 games ahead or behind)
Pos. Team Record GD Rem. SOS Proj. Wins
5 Magic 31-43 -2 11 34
6 Blazers 32-41 -0.5 14 36
7 Pacers 33-41 - 13 36
8 Wizards 33-41 - 12 37
9 Jazz 35-38 2.5 7 38
10 Bulls 35-28 2.5 18 40
11 Mavs 36-38 3 24 40
12 Thunder 36-38 3 28 40
13 Raptors 36-38 3 4 40
14 Pelicans 36-37 3.5 3 40
15 Hawks 36-37 3.5 2 41
16 Wolves 37-37 4 21 42
17 Lakers 37-37 4 26 42
I hope that gives a decent look into where we are currently at. For the teams better than us none seem to be outright tanking AFAIK, but the Jazz are a team that could overtake us. Neither Chicago nor Dallas have any incentive to tank as they don't have their pick. It's somewhat of a crapshoot as to whether any of those teams will fall into our range so I won't dive that deep into it right now, but I will take a look at the teams that are ahead of us in the draft order.
Pacers: Haliburton is coming back from an injury and they are playing him. Myles Turner on the other hand is questionable with "soreness". Winning tonight against the Hawks would be huge for us (tie game 10 minutes in but Turner is out), but they only have one other easier game against Detroit the rest of the way.
Blazers: Dame, Grant, and Simons are all sitting for dubious reasons and with only one gimme left on the schedule I don't see us catching them without some shenanigans of our own.
Magic: They are a young team and don't seem to be tanking egregiously, but to pass them in the order we most likely have to lose to them at home.
With all this information, it's hard to see us moving up any higher than 7th in the draft order. We have a similar remaining strength of schedule but we have some easier opponents and games that I think we can win if someone like KP is playing.


First, let me address the lottery odds. If we do indeed land at 7 we will have a 31.9% chance of a top 4 pick and a 7.5% chance of #1 which really isn't that bad. Our lottery luck hasn't been great so maybe we finally will move up and get that franchise changing type of guy. In this case, on average, our draft position will be 6.2.
Fun Fact: In every draft since 2017 the 7th team pre lottery has moved up to the top 4!
For the sake of the post, I'll ignore the possibility of moving up and talk about our realistic options.
So, I'm no draft expert, but I've followed this class for a bit and here are the prospects I simply don't see falling to 7:
Victory Wembanyama
Scoot Henderson
Brandon Miller
Amen Thompson
That is pretty much the list. I could maybe maybe see Amen falling as there are concerns with his level of competition and shooting, but as a PG with that size athleticism combo, it's hard to see it happening.
This leaves me with a pretty decent sized pool of 7 guys that I think we could draft barring any shake ups and stock risers.
  1. Ausar Thompson: The twin brother of Amen is similar physically but with a different skillset. More of a wing than a point, Ausar can shoot the ball better and has tons of upside. At the moment he seems likely to go a couple picks ahead of us, but he definitely could be on the board.
  2. Cam Whitmore: A local wing out of Maryland that has shown great promise, but has some flaws. He is really young (only 18), a great athlete, and can score well, but at the same time may be a bit small height-wise, and his playmaking at Villanova was dreadful with a sub .5 AST:TO ratio. May go a bit higher, but his stock isn't cemented.
  3. Jarace Walker: Big bodied freshman that played for Houston. Great size, awesome defense, and lots of things to like on the offensive side. Not super polished but there's a lot to like. This is the last guy on my list I think has a decent chance of being taken before we pick.
That rounds out the relatively consensus top 7 players at the moment (I have seen any of one of those first 3 at 7 in at least one big board or mock draft) and brings us to the guys that we can start getting excited about without being super scared of them getting stolen away.
  1. Anthony Black: Freshman G for Arkansas, Black is a prospect I'm a big fan of and someone that I think we might take. Lots of playmaking potential, great size at 6'7", great airtime, and a plus defender. Not the best shooter yet, but he reminds me of Josh Giddey in the way he plays.
  2. Keyonte George: Freshman from Baylor that gets a lot of Bradley Beal comps. Not super efficient in college and positionally pretty redundant as a score first guard. Not super high on him and don't think we pick him but he is a very exciting player that I could see excel in the right situation.
  3. Gradey Dick: The freshman sniper from Kansas will remind us a lot of Corey Kispert so I don't see fans being enthused at picking another player in his mold just 2 years later, but he has his upsides. A lot younger than Corey and with a bit more length to him he could be a bit more versatile.
  4. Cason Wallace: This Kentucky freshman is what we wanted last year, but unfortunately he's a year late. I still remember all the debates about what point guard we should take, but with no good PGs at our pick range last year we ended up with Johnny Davis. Cason is a great defender and just has a great feel for the game. Not particularly flashy but does his job well.
Some other guys that could eke their way into the conversation are Taylor Hendricks or Nick Smith Jr.
Personally I'm a big fan of Anthony Black, and he is probably the #1 guy I'm hoping we land in the draft. The future of this franchise is very unclear, but if we do intend on keeping Brad, KP, and Kuz around I think he could complement them really well.
If anyone liked this I might do another one as the season draws near a close and I can go into individual game outcomes more closely.
TLDR: I think the Wizards are likely to land as 7th or 8th in the draft order. This gives us a decent chance to move up to the top 4, but if we don't there are some solid prospects to choose from that you can read about above. This definitely feels like a deeper top 10 than last year and even if we fail at tanking I like our choices.
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2023.03.25 21:57 Acceptable-Turn-7085 Booth (no $) vs. Kenan-Flagler (full-tuition scholarship)

Hello Everyone,
I was recently admitted to both Chicago Booth (no $) and UNC KF (full-tuition scholarship). I'm thrilled to have such great options, but I'm struggling with whether the cost delta b/w the two is worth it to go to Booth. Post-MBA, my goal is to pivot into Management Consulting, where I know Booth is a powerhouse, but KF is still a target school for pretty much every major Consulting firm so I'd have a fighting chance at MBB. I do realize that the MBA is about much more than the first job post-grad, and the Booth network/brand would likely be much more advantageous in finding jobs long-term. I'm just not sure how much value to place on that specific factor in the decision.
Geographically, I currently live in the Midwest, so I can tolerate the cold and would be happy landing in Chicago long-term. With that said, I'm originally from the south and wouldn't mind landing in Atlanta/Charlotte which is a strong likelihood if I go to KF. Also, FWIW, I don't currently have any debt from undergrad (or anywhere else for that matter), so while I'm not enthusiastic about taking on a loan, I'd definitely be able to manage. If there are any other considerations I haven't touched on, let me know. Thanks in advance.
View Poll
submitted by Acceptable-Turn-7085 to MBA [link] [comments]

2023.03.25 21:37 soulshine_walker3498 Juggling two career options.. similar pay, different locations/benefits

Hey guys. So I’ve been offered two jobs.
Job A) Winston-Salem NC. Obviously pretty laid back, affordable. 10 days PTO + fed holidays. Decent insurance and all that. Potentially safer for a single madam. During the interview they were hard to read and I was truly shocked that they offered it to me. Overall I’ve been told the team is very great to work with and there’s support. But I’d be supervising men twice my age or more which is what I need to learn to do but potentially offers a challenge. An hour from some great state parks, seems like an overall great city to work for.
Job B) Chattanooga Tn: potentially higher crime rate, affordability is there so far, but pretty great income disparity. 27 days PTO + fed holidays a whole mix of responsibilities which sound pretty cool. Ability to write people up for construction violations. Potential to negotiate salary as well. Team was really excited to have me - offered it to me on the spot even. Close enough to Atlanta as well. Outdoors stuff nearby too. Comes with cities own affordable pharmacy and gym. Just seems very touristy. And $100 footwear allowance/year for boots!
Both places offer free parking and good health insurance. And work truck to drive in.
Writing this I feel like the choice is clear
submitted by soulshine_walker3498 to Career [link] [comments]

2023.03.25 21:34 Phoenixie_fairy Got nowhere to talk about this

Have been dealing with a depression from childhood and it got worsened in the past 3 years with so many issues, some of which i am still dealing with now. but I have also been in therapy and medications. so, plotting every minute to die is gone but I have also lost everything i worked for and everything that was part of my identity as a human and woman. I also fucked up recently with someone nice i met in a long time and i gave him the cold and hot treatment based on my extreme mood swings as i lost my job for the 3rd time in one year. vacation that was spoiled vy my toxic family etc. I am so isolated and lonely and all i crave at this point is to find someone i dont have to give a reason to hug. I am not crying the victim but its so tiring that i was isolated and went through hell for a mistake that was not mine. life is not beautiful or worth it with no loved pnes in my life and even being honest and transparent about my situayion, i have been told only that i am too much or not enough.
My mom wanted to abort me when she was pregnant with me and she told me that since i was 4 years old for a long time. i was unwanted and rejected just for being myself even before i was born. yet am not allowed to kill myself. it sucks to say that therapy and meds help and the suicidal thoughts of plotting my death is gone.. but i might as well be dead than existing with no purpose or even a simple hug. living isolated in my apartment is not that beautiful life. I want to stop existing... The pain of just breathing for nothing to happen or for me to hurt and push people away from me.. I want to stop existing or trade places for a child who wants to live..
is it too much to ask for a hug? I am so tired of life that i lost some people as it happens in the transition period and not for lack of trying, my social and romantic life is dead and it doesnot make my situation any better. I dont recognise myself and all i expect is a simple hug. but indeed, it is asking a lot... i suppose
submitted by Phoenixie_fairy to depression [link] [comments]

2023.03.25 21:27 Likeminas Seeking Advice for an IT Analyst Job at Southwest

Hi everyone,
I have an upcoming phone interview for an IT analyst job with Southwest. I have over a decade of experience in the IT industry with 5 years of those at American. What are some tips you can give me? I read that Southwest hires for attitude first and skill second, is that right? If so, what is the attitude they’re looking for?
I have done some research online and found some common interview questions and tips from Glassdoor and Indeed, but I would appreciate any personal insights or advice from people who have gone through the process or work at Southwest.
Thanks in advance!
submitted by Likeminas to SouthwestAirlines [link] [comments]

2023.03.25 21:26 Empty_gemini Where can I get hired with no experience?

Hey guys,, I’ve been trying to find a job in the serving field for the past week or so and it seems that most local places only consider people with experience. (Most places on indeed straight up say 2/3+ years experience required 🥴)
I had an interview a smaller chain restaurant, and the manager said he loved me and loved the interview but I have yet to receive a call back :/ I’m assuming its because I have no prior experience. Before that interview I had one at a upscale restaurant, which obviously I didn’t get it either lol
For context, I have worked 6 years at a smaller chain restaurant similar to five guys as a shift leader, and then worked 3 years at Starbucks as a barista, where I am currently hired. I emphasize Starbucks because Starbucks baristas are specifically trained and encouraged to communicate and enhance the customer experience, as well as be able to describe and recommend products to customers.
So far it just feels like a flop,, I applied to longhorns and I am going to apply to several more over the weekend, but are there any chain/corporate restaurants that hire with no prior experience, like longhorns, PF changs, applebees, ect?
Also I would like to make Atleast 20$ an hour lol, I am going broke at Starbucks which is a reason why I am leaving lol
submitted by Empty_gemini to Serverlife [link] [comments]

2023.03.25 21:02 RobertozElGato I live in anxiety and there is nothing I can do about it.

I (20M) have been suffering from pretty nasty anxiety for about a year and a half, and having tried different things to try and work against it, I have grown rather nihilist on that matter and have given up the idea of a life free of this.
I apologize ahead of time if there is some flashbacks in the middle of the stories, I'm mainly expressing in the same order my brain does process it.
For context, I will start by what I know to be the trigger of that depressive episode. I am -- or so I believe -- and have been always a pretty good kid, calm, rather introverted, not very keen to be around people my age, and always doing decent in school. I graduated high school with good grades, one year in advance (graduated on my 17th summer), and started off studies in mechanical engineering, at a regular faculty. Passed that pretty well, really enjoyed what I studied. The downfall of my mental state started off end of summer 2021, when I entered the IT I applied to, about two hours drive away from my hometown, and thus I moved out to pursue my studies. In the same time, I met a person (25 MtF) playing video games (which is fairly my main and close to sole chilling activity if I am not studying or working) and the affection quickly grew, for the both of us. The main issue is the ridiculous distance parting us, we are talking about me in France and her in Japan. At the beginning, aside doing sometimes activites like playing or watching series/movies together, it was chill. It became more than just a friendship when she initiated a natural substitute to physical intimacy being erotic roleplaying. I always quite enjoyed the activity of writing, and I have been involved in only two relationships before of a few months each, that actually never went further than pretty casual contact; so this particular attention was something I enjoyed. I found myself always really sensitive to signals and over (or mis-)interpretation is a common issue. While on her end, she wished for no commitment due to the difficult situation of physical distance, I grew fond of this, and started to act like in a sort of relationship, and quickly was stopped by the reproach of expecting too much. I have never been of a combattive nature, and didn't really fight it back. But it did make me feel guilty. It felt like I was just dreaming, that maybe she just really wants to pretend. The other reproach I recieved was "overcontrolling". Given our days were eight hours in difference, and the both of us busy with studies and work, we never found alot of time to spend together, and I happened to have several meltdowns when she would just ignore me for hours, while playing with her other friends. I felt abandoned. But I did not give up, and neither did she reject me, or tried to put an end to it for a time. I felt abandoned and insecure, because of built up trust issues following two events. The first was my first ever experience of reciprocated affection, which was looking back from me a clumsy and naive attempt of me to recieve affection. It was a girl, five years older than me that I met in similar conditions, but for which the distance setting was less prevalent, as she was in the same country at least. I did actually believed her feelings, and the security she gave me, until she openly lied to me and "cheated", at least from my point of view, with fellow playmates, that she enjoyed flirting with. This had nothing to do with this Japanese girl (that we will call Mia for easier understanding). No, as I said before, Mia is a transgender women, having transitionned totally, short of her voice. Months before I started living alone and we were talking with each other, she revealed that piece of information to me, which I felt honored by, as she has trouble being satisfied with her own appearance. She asked if she could show me what she looked like, I said yes and she sent a picture, a pretty gorgeous woman, and I cluelessly complimented her in that way, which she appreciated. At some point, as I was talking to one of our mutual friends, we for some reason went over this subject, as I considered him trustworthy of keeping this information, and he was dubitative. Instigating a bit of doubt in me, he encouraged me to use the Google Image reverse search with the picture, and it happened to be some streamer, that was definitely not Mia. So I confronted her, and she sent me an actual selfie of her, which I did reverse search again, actually to be sure, but had no result. This first occurence of a lie, that I found unhinged, is understandable if I think of it like she doesn't have to reveal her identity to some faraway stranger, which I get totally. But what made me tick was mainly that it was her own initiative to show me this, and to knowingly lie, and up to this day I still don't understand the satisfaction you can get from a compliment that is not genuine. From this occurence, pretty early (around October 2021), I started to be both clingy and insecure with her, as she brought me still a lot of affection that felt just that good. After a good month, I decided to "confess", without actually expecting something in return, that I fell in love with her. I genuinely just wanted her to know, as I just feel incomfortable pretenting that I feel things I don't, or just pretending that I don't feel things.
This kept on until around mid-december, sometimes she actually told me she loved me too, even though she wouldn't promise me anything as it was all still so very uncertain. I actually asked for a Christmas gift at the time, nothing actually fancy, "A picture of you smiling" that I asked, which I recieved quite promptly and that quickly became my phone wallpaper. I was conscious of her insecurities about her appearance, making this even more unique. The few pictures she sent me of her until then always came up with a bit of a sour taste to me, because I pay great attention to details, and I quickly realised none were actually destined to me, as they were all pretty old (as indicates the names of the pictures, giving out the date and time where they were taken). I commented once about it, but it was a hill I wasn't ready to die on, and I did just let this go. A week before actual Christmas, she broke down pretty painful news to me, that she'd rather stop it now, even though wishing to still interact as friends, but really nothing more. It did hurt, quite bad. My family percieved I was off, as I went back to my hometown during most vacations I had. But I did try my best to go through it, trying to vent it out with friends, but it didn't bring me actually a lot of comfort, because it was unclear that I didn't wish for advice. It did create tensions with said friends too, alas.
The rest of the school year I'm about to write about is actually exclusively about those kind of LDRs, because my computer games were actually my sole relief. I do not feel at ease in social events, even with friends, I can only focus my mind away by concentrating on games. While still thoroughly studying and getting good grades, the rest of my life was almost one of a NEET. But I guess it doesn't make much sense.
The second person I met was a girl from Ireland, I actually didn't get time to eventually talk per voice, but grew between us a friendship full of teasing. We were introduced by a mutual friend, and I was genuinely being sweet, because I thought she deserved it, even more as she didn't really have a lucky life outside that. She disappeared from time to time, but I thought it was caring to send her funny or cute pictures and memes, thinking that she might get a bit of comfort if she got an instant looking at her phone, or after it was cleared up. Once (merely after three weeks of knowing each other) she disappeared for a week, came back, thanked me for the attention that I mentioned just before. The next day, she blocked me, she blocked our mutual friend, and I never could directly talk to her again. By chance another mutual friend, by my demand, could get a bit of explanation, of her being scared of me trying to be more than just a friend. To be fair, I did try, I don't deny it.
The third person, was a girl, from the US, that I played with regularly without any particular interaction really, and then she got around my game development project I started during IT, and we happened to have in common to be pretty horny, so myself missing this affection, I proposed her some roleplaying over characters we created, and it started by that. I was clear to myself, that even if those characters were pretty obviously self projections (what we wished we were I suppose), well, it was just characters. One day it slipped to us not using some characters anymore, and while I willingly let myself slip and go along, I knew what was gonna happen, and it did. This person was a lot more private than actually anyone I met. Under no circumstance I got to know anything more than her nationality and hints about her appearance. Even her voice she kept secret to anyone online as she claimed. I honestly vibed her, and as a person, as much as I knew of her, it was someone I could see myself with. But I did try, to do everything right, to be nice, to not be pushy while not hiding my feelings. To get somewhere. Eventually I got to the point of asking her out like, "What would you think of it". She answered that she'd think about it. Okay. I genuinely hoped, and didn't immediately thought it was temporisation or anything. In those two weeks, I was patient. And a turning point was reached, as I asked to hear her, just once. I was feeling bad about not being able to let someone I actually loved not feel comfortable around me. From a certain point of view, I pushed her hard that day, as she told me "Okay, but let me tell you I'll likely disappear for a few days if I do". I didn't really have a grasp of what would happen, so we agreed on those terms. It was a short exchange, a few minutes, she apparently passed out for an instant and hit her head on her desk from the anxiety of the situation. Then, she told me she loved me and hung up, and I indeed didn't hear anything from her for a few days, before she showed up, telling me that she did feel horrible for that time. I did not feel as guilty as I should've, and naturally a bit later I asked again about the asking out of weeks before. It was a no, but we remained close as for just, bringing each other affection through this roleplay. It became normal to me. I prefered that to the outside world, because those were people like me.
I learnt two things from this experience. The first is that on any kind of relationship (romantic or friend) I am all or nothing in terms of need from attention. The second, is that I was incapable to move on, while I still developed feeling for others. I never stopped thinking about Mia. We even talked again, sometimes. Sometimes it slipped to what it was before. I did not know what she wanted.
The fourth (and last regarding LDR) was also quite a particular case. It was also a transgender women, only beginning their social transition, and that also happened to be quite physically disabled. I do not know what attracted me to them. I just found them nice, and developed a sensitivity to transgender issues, that was not the first I interacted with, and I felt normal to be supportive, and so was I to him. We both slowly came to the idea of being here for each other, and I think I didn't feel as strongly for him, for whatever reason, but I didn't mind. Maybe because at some point I also felt loved. Also, my sense of security was more fulfilled as he was open about his appareance, his life etc. We were a good pair, but it was still a great responsibility to think of, taking care of a disabled person for an extended period of time.
A few weeks before the end of the relationship with him, my mental state was deteriorating, my brain was having trouble processing all those feeling I still had for the girl before, and for Mia. And I still talked to both of them. I felt stuck, and didn't want to make a choice. It was too painful to even imagine it. And the inability to do anything lead me to the first peak of this depressive episode, and in the night of the 12th to 13th of June and for the first time of my life I felt the physical impulse to end my existence. I resisted moving to the window of my apartment, and this scared the shit out of me. At this time it was fear that held me, but I really did want this anxiety, a painful anxiety, to be gone. I had no other solution in mind. It was days before a final oral exam, and weeks before all my final written exams. I had developed a very bad sleep schedule at the time, even though missing very few classes. I started to not care anymore. I told my father, then my mother. I remained alone in my apartment for two weeks, went through all my written exams (passed two), fought some impulses to jump, still. But progressively, it was not out of fear anymore that I didn't do it, but for a guilt I wouldn't feel anyway, for all those I would have been hurting.
I took my first appointment ever with a psychologist on the next Monday (16th of June), it relieved me a bit, I kept those appointments up (they were online) and checked up with my doctor regularly, that gave me medication for anxiety as well as anti-depressants, small doses. It did maintain me, anti-depressants had a pretty impressive effect to my perception. Did it help ? A bit, but it was not definitive. I did not tell everything to my psychologist, I could not. Half the information you'll read here he did not hear about. Out of fear for judgement, I didn't say a thing. It took me a lot of resolve for this hour long session of therapy every two weeks to talk. The help I got out of this, is attaching this anxiety to something, something that I was. It's called "intellectual giftedness". I did not actually went and did that IQ test he recommended, but I did read the books he told me to read, and I did relate to an awful lot of things. The name describes it as a gift, it is actually not always one. I don't deny I like being able to have a good memory and logic, but the anxiety, underachievement, guilt, or even self depreciation that can come alongside it, is something I genuinely wish for nobody.
I chose then to go for a gap semester at IT, which, as for today, reveals to be for me a drop. I worked a bit in the meantime, to which I will come back later.
During the summer break, I got quite close again to Mia, which happened to have changed on her position, getting a possibility of scheduled meeting for us, while also having family trouble. The kind of trouble of being kicked out of her house, for being pryed on by her family, quite reluctant of her dating a Euroboy like me, which happened to be the actual reason of her reluctance all along, that she told me. I also got away from my online friend group, because the second girl, which was part of this group, made me go through quite some frustrated moments, as I hate those social network moments where people will be active everywhere to talk but will not answer the DMs you send them. Alas. I needed time alone, away from all of them.
Following this, things between Mia and I got a bit more serious, as we started to plan things, further. Plan a life. Which I fairly did a long time before, but that's just me being me and I learnt to keep those thoughts to myself. After summer break and two months of being around at my mother's home, playing and working on my game, I got a job where my mother worked, and it was a sweet additional income. It is difficult to talk through depression with parents, mostly because they feel like they know what they do is best. Or they think they know. I don't blame them for that, but that didn't make me feel good either. They did not really support my game project, which I now want to make a living of after getting a proper formation. My mother in particular, to who I started to open up about my relationships, doubted me, as she did a long time ago. And from her like from a friend, I did not expect advice or an opinion. I am old enough to understand what I am doing, even when I gamble with my own mental stability. I am in control more than she'd think. It got tense at times. I got several other suicidal pulses through summer and until end of december, mostly triggered by either my relationship, or by "Working yet???" the two first months after the break. It escalated, I felt worse and worse. Between late december and early January, I planned out more radical solutions. I understood that one day, no guilt or fear would hold me from self-harm. I took contact with a psychiatry institute. That happened to be saturated, and that just told me "Yeah, we don't really do interning here, plus we don't have room so, go see a liberal psychatrist." I wanted to be interned. I wanted to ensure my security. In parallel, a friend of mine was leaving his rented apartment, and I picked the occasion as he proposed me several time if I needed a place to stay, and on the day where I came back to work, with my mother, I went in, gave my superior the resignation, and went away. I had a taxi booked, I packed the stuff I could in an hour, and left a note to my family. My mother panicked and swopped back home as I had disappeared, I watched her collapsing in tears as she thought I had ended myself. I held back my tears. And she got back to work eventually, and I could go on with my planning. Since then, I live alone, my family was surprisingly understanding, I genuinely expected a general meltdown. Now I barely answer because I don't feel at ease around them. I don't feel accepted. And my perception will likely not change.
Aside that, a thing that I craved for a long time was affective but also sexual physical contact, which is a hard feat in the situation of a LDR. Aside that, I wanted to try something before commiting, with another boy. I did however not forget that I engaged with Mia, and I asked her, pretty plainly, if she would accept that I'd try getting intimate with someone else, while between us, nothing changed. She said yes. At that time, I do feel guilty over the fact that I think I would have done it anyway if she said no. I met someone (19M) two months ago, not living too far, and it's a person I feel genuinely good around, past the good times I was originally here for. Now, I do have feeling for him, and I do feel what I believe is love, this strong attachment and the sadness when you miss them, the relief when you see them. He is nice, kind, and I did my best to be as well. I can talk to him, and he knows about Mia, and he is fine even though he's in love as well. I however, as late I can afford to, will still ever choose Mia before anyone else, because I promised her. Because I love her. Because I refuse to believe that I have chased her for more than a year for nothing. I refuse to believe she didn't leave just to mess with me.
Now still with her, things tend to be complicated, it's hard to be up at the same times, even though I try to propose solutions. She rarely have time or the will to talk things out, it kills me from inside, but deep down I know. I know that my whole life I will feel this anxiety. The truth is I deserted therapy, and I stopped the meds as I started seeing this guy, and I actually didn't have this heavy blowback you would expect from stopping anti-depressants. It was my choice.
Anxiety is here every day of my life, I manage to feel decent half the time, the other time I wonder if Mia loves me. If things will work out. If I really deserve anyone of the two people I love so much. I regret none of the decisions and choices I have made through this year and a half. And I will never be happy, the nagging insecurity will always be here. But I can make one of them happy. That's the least I can do, but that's also the best I can do.
submitted by RobertozElGato to venting [link] [comments]